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WY Leung

EX-MEN

EX-MEN
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May 14, 2003
Ah... the mutants. Haven't we all looked back once or twice and thought we had to be in a trance to have gone out with THAT person? If you haven't, it must have applied the other way around. ...My condolences. As much as we strive to maintain a first-rate portfolio for future references, exes come in just about any shape and size. But most of the time, they are just an ordinary combination of extraordinary characteristics. Take Nightcrawler for example. The classic teleporter. At any time or place, as long as he feels like it, poof! He's gone. If not for the trail of black smoke he left behind, you'd think you were hallucinating. And as swiftly as he had vanished, when his profile is just about to be wiped off of Stryker's database, poof! He's back, and acts as if he had never left. Then there's the manipulative Mystique. She first grabs your attention by disguising into whom you think is perfect. She then takes control of everything around you by seizing your identity. Not even imitating your voice, she would call up old girlfriends you still have contact with and tell them to back off. Or better yet, ask you to do it in front of her. Not quite as psychotic, but just as strenuous, is Rogue. She can suck you dry in record time, in every which way the phrase applies. (Hey that rhymes!) A rare breed in urban cities but still present is Storm. Get ready to say "wow" each time she enters the room. She's got a handful of astounding abilities you can find no practical use for. A double master in pig Latin and origami is phenomenal, Hun. But what's in it for me? Then there's the typical Lady Deathstrike. Looks good and all, but dies too soon with no sensible justification. A mystery to us all. Then there's your typical nightmare, Xavier, an incredibly intelligent guy who earns respect from millions by doing more good deeds than bad with his knowledge, who ends up fucking up everything because he just had to listen to a little girl. Figures. Last but not least, the one you still long for, the movie-end hero Jean Grey. The I'll-sacrifice-myself-for-your-joy, your-life-is-more-important-than-mine, let-me-endure-the-pain kinda hero who leaves you feeling miserable and remorseful until she comes back, looking hotter than ever, in the next sequel. This should about wrap up the database of ex-men/women. If on the other hand the characteristics listed above portray those of you ex-isting men/women. ...My deepest condolences. If only we were like Wolverine. We could really love like we've never been hurt. Or love like we have amnesia.
 
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