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WY Leung

A DOZEN OF EACH

A DOZEN OF EACH
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May 9, 2003
If you asked me what my favorite flower was, I would say tulips. Only because we used to grow them in our front yard and new buds would develop every spring without the need to reseed. To me, flowers are like Chinese tea. I'd be able to tell that one cup tastes different from another, but I'd never bother to reflect on how they're different. Despite how much women claim they love flowers, men are the ones who buy them. Somehow men got the idea that flowers do magic for the opposite sex. Has it never occurred to men how ironic it is that we could appreciate something with such a short life when we've universally agreed that diamonds are the way to go because they're forever? I can understand when someone buys flowers for friends staying in the hospital because patients can use something soothing to look at, or when someone uses rose petals in drinks or baths as aromatherapy. But what is a guy trying to say when he buys his lady a bouquet of flowers? If you wanted to create a relaxing ambiance in her apartment, get her a Monet. If you were trying to tell her she has an odor problem, get her an eau de toilette. As a gift, flowers serve no purpose and convey no message (you can forget all those crap you tried so hard to memorize about the hidden meanings of each flower and the significance of the number in a bouquet, florists are smarter people than you'd thought.) If you were sending it to her workplace, a small bouquet would be embarrassing; if you were giving it to her on a date, a large bouquet would be mortifying as you'd be the one carrying it for three blocks down and three blocks up again. And may I remind you that some of you are already carrying her purse. (That's a whole new topic right there!) It takes tedious work just to keep flowers from dying within 48 hours (see below*), and even more work to hang dry them so that they could forever take up the space of four shoeboxes for "I'm sorry" and "I miss you" or that of eight shoeboxes for "I'm very sorry", "Happy Birthday", "Happy Valentine's Day" and "Happy Anniversary". * In order to keep flowers fresh for longer than a cheesecake: 1. The vase has to be cleaned. (We're making the assumption that every girl owns a crystal vase.) 2. All leaves that would be under water must be removed. 3. The stem of each flower needs to be re-cut... every three days! 4. Flower food should be added to water. 5. Water has to be topped off daily and replaced every few days. Flowers and the stagnate water they're in generally attract pests. When flowers wilt, the petals become black and wrinkly, the leaves and stems soggy then dry. The dirty water leaves behind a stain on the vase. So unless you're a gardener and are ready to take care of every step for her... consider getting her Chinese tea next time. And start a savings account to put aside all the money you'd ever spend on flowers for girls. You could really wind up owning a Monet.
 
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