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Greg crites

Agent: agentname
water, Florida, United States

I have an inventory of twenty completed novels. I write humor. or at least people write to tell me they laugh at it.

A brief description of each follows.

Eighty-thousand words confirming my first-class e-ticket to eternal damnation

Hunter Thompson searched for the American dream, and to his cynical amusement—found it. The characters in Crusade think they've stumbled over its bloated, rotting corpse, and have packed their nostrils with cocaine to blunt the stench. A drug-fueled journey by two deranged journalists into the morass of organized religion. Cornholery, snake handlers, faith healers, serial killers, sarcasm, blasphemy—good, clean, American fun.

A 64,000 word offering in the currently popular terrorist genre.

Willy, a defrocked PI is offered a substantial sum to oversee a business tracking down web spammers. Things take off down a dangerous path when his brother, a computer genius, and cockroach aficionado, inadvertently uncovers something larger than spam. They face Russian gangsters, Government thugs, and various contract killers while trying to unravel an explosive plot to terrorize random citizens across the globe.

A completed 63,000 word suspense/humor novel

A gang of unusual newspaper men, take a large payment to start a newspaper during election season and unseat a corrupt counties' crooked officials.

DUNKIN, THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, Something Porcine This Way Comes
A completed 63,000 word humor/horror novel set in Florida and Brazil. The first book in a trilogy.

Dunkin, a 450 lb vampire slayer has been around a long time. He has plenty of secrets behind his body's girth or 'Vein Armor' as he calls it. An accident brings Dunkin together with several slightly dysfunctional characters. Together they go on an undead hunting expedition that starts in sunny Florida and works its way down the Amazon in South America.

DUNKIN, THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, Death Rides a Pale, Pink, Porcine Horse
An 83,000 word humor/horror novel set all over the world. The second book in a trilogy.

A 63,000 word humor novel.

This is a spinoff of a character, named Devlin, from the ‘Dunkin, the Vampire Slayer’ series. It's a ripoff of X-Files, featuring a near indestructible alcoholic vampire, with few socially redeeming qualities, a wolf, a chimp and a few other offbeat characters.

A 63,000 word science fiction novel.

The indolent life of a wealthy, cynical, wisecracking talk radio host is invaded by a huge, garrulous interloper who claims to have invented an amazing device. Together they start a company based on his invention. When this technology becomes public, everyone wants it and are willing to do anything to get it.

Sixty-five-thousand words of utter nonsense!

I produce a novel every two months, with proper medicinal supplies. If someone famous dies in a tragic vacuum cleaner accident, and you need a quick 50,000 words of slander, send cash—I'm your man.

Interests: Drinking

Published writer: Yes

Freelance: No


Published works:


  • Crusade
  • Dunkin the Vampire Slayer: Something Porcine This Way Comes
  • Dunkin II: Death Rides A Pale, Pink, Porcine Horse
  • Hard Boiled Headline
  • Devlin Abnormal Investigations: Case File—The Hell Hermit
  • Bluetooth Bayou
  • No, You Can't Have It