First Chapter

[Jazz Hennessey]

Michael,
It is unfortunate that you are becoming defensive about Leslee's excellent advice. I did not post my own critique, because she made the points I would have. Before you ask, the answer is no, I do not have a published manuscript. What I do have is a work in progress that does not have a glaring error in nearly every paragraph.

I know you think you have a good story. And you might, but I also find the errors distracting.

My husband and I were house hunting a couple of years ago and we saw a house that probably had a lot of potential. But the yard was trashed and the interior needed a lot of work. If we had the time or energy, we might have looked past that, dug in with our sleeves rolled up, and polished it into a fantastic place. But we didn't have the time or energy, so we continued looking and found a great house that did not need so much work.

The last thing you want an agent or editor to ponder is whether your work is worth all of the effort that he or she will have to put into it. Leslee's advice was meant to help you make a great impression on the people who can influence the possibility of publication for you. If she didn't care, she wouldn't have wasted her time posting.

You are correct that you need a great story and a well written manuscript. Leslee (and I) are trying to help you with the latter.

Best of luck to you.

[Simon Says]

MIchael -

Your comments to leslee were uncalled for and show that you are not yet ready to accept, appreciate and take advantage of truly helpful criticism.

So I won't waste my breath or my fingers giving you any.

However - I will say that your manuscript does not appear to be ready to be submitted to agents. HOW a story is told is just as important as the story itself. Your grammatical errors are far from the only issues here.

[leslee]

Michael, you may conclude anything you like about me. I couldn't care less. It won't change the fact that your posted chapter is filled with errors.

I read in another forum that you are considering POD publication. Critique and editing are important aspects of traditional publication. If you cannot read even the most mild critique of your work without getting defensive, POD may be the best way for you to go.

[Joe Zeff]

Yes, Michael, I understand that it was 30 years ago, about three years after I left the Navy.

[Michael Hill]

To All,

My response was not to be defensive and if it was taken that way, I do so humbly apologize.

The reason why I posted the first chapter was to hear your thoughts of the story. I realize there are errors and that's why I'm paying to have it edited. I guess I should have made it more clear in regards to what yall thought of the story itself.

And yes, I do plan to self publish and rest assure it will be professionally proofread/edited.

My apology to all.