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  1. #1
    Sharma Labrew
    Guest

    My first fictional novel

    I would like feedback from the plot of my novel.
    Yolanda, a beautiful, naive, black and wealthy young woman graduates Summa Cum Laude from Harvard Law School. Giving her valevictorian speech, she is given a standing ovation, but one man in the audience stands out, blowing her a kiss. Thinking he is motivated by her speech, she returns the gesture.
    Fulfilling her first dream to follow in her late father's footsteps, she becomes an Assistant Prosecuting Attorney in the Nation's Capital after being interviewed and hired by the man in the audience, Chief Prosecutor for the Justice Department.
    Becoming friends in the workplace, she ask him to walk her down the isle to marry her first and only love, Heledora, an Apache Indian, she dated in law school. Her boss happily agrees then sensually rapes her a week before her wedding.
    Returning from her honeymoon, he blackmails her to lose a Columbian Drug Cartel case, or her family.
    Devastated, Yolanda confesses to her new husband the rape and blackmail. Together they call in reinforcements, his relatives from the reservation and Yolanda, her Harvard friends and Judge Cone.
    Learning she was not the first of Perdomo's subordinates to be raped and blackmailed by him, her naivety turns to stone as she attempts to bring down her boss with or without her husband, and protect her identical twin sister, grandmother, and aunt.



  2. #2
    Jen Osmon
    Guest

    Re: My first fictional novel

    I'm not sure what is the point of the rape. It doesn't seem to add anything to the story. Am I missing something?

  3. #3
    Simon Says
    Guest

    Re: My first fictional novel

    I think the standing ovation at her graduation is a littler over the top.

    The rest sounds good.

  4. #4
    not Eye
    Guest

    Re: My first fictional novel

    I don't get the reason for the rape either. And I don't see how a woman could go on with her wedding plans and honeymoon only a week after being raped. Also, did the rapist walk her down the aisle still? If so, I don't buy it. If not, wasn't the groom curious as to why the change in plans? ...cause she didn't tell the groom until after, right? My suggestion is to think through the story idea a bit more. Good luck with it. :0)

  5. #5
    John Wagner
    Guest

    Re: My first fictional novel

    I suspect our collective leg is being pulled.

  6. #6
    Jay Saunders
    Guest

    Re: My first fictional novel

    Sharma,

    I'm naive enough to guess that you're not pulling my leg, so I'll respond with my comments.

    I'm sorry the rape/escort-down-the-isle/employer-relationship-thing doesn’t work for me. If she was raped by this man, why would she be so weak as to remain working for him (she’s a prosecutor – so [b]do[b] him). But to let him walk her down the isle is a 1930's stereotyped dependant and weak woman.

    But the premise works for me, but it would need changes.

    I would break it apart. Go for the rape, as it provides the emphasis for the blackmail – especially if he did something as sick as record it (which could provide the counter-plot to reveal him for what he truly is). But don’t make him her boss – make him a competitor! That’s why she has to lose the case! And it places more of a dilemma against her (protect her reputation, or maintain her job).

    But you have to lose the ‘walking down the isle’ bit. This can never work with credibility if she has been raped by the man.

    As to the comment about the standing ovation – make sure that her dialogue is hoofing (British Military term for F’ing brilliant). If you have the slightest doubt about the dialogue (would I have stood having heard it) just have the audience applaud, but one man stands and blows the kiss – she wouldn’t have to anything in return.

    Only my opinion, but if this was on the stage with the plot you have given (and I’m a playwright after all) I would probably walk at the interval.

    Jay

  7. #7
    Jay Saunders
    Guest

    Re: My first fictional novel

    Sorry, forgot to turn the bold off!

    Jay

  8. #8
    leslee
    Guest

    Re: My first fictional novel

    Please don't say "fictional novel." All novels are fiction.

  9. #9
    Terri D
    Guest

    Re: My first fictional novel

    Rape is a violation and can never ever be considered senusal.

    My leg hurts!

  10. #10
    leslee
    Guest

    Re: My first fictional novel

    Yeah, that sensual rape reference says more about the writer than it does about the book.

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