HomeWritersLiterary AgentsEditorsPublishersResourcesDiscussion
Forum Login | Join the discussion
+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 9 of 9
  1. #1
    Women & Men for Women & Men

    $100 writing prize for lyric parody

    V-Day Contest Asks How a Man's Life Might Be Better "If I Only Had a V"

    An international team of men and women is staging a lyric-writing contest to satirize the growing campaign to convert Valentine's Day into V-Day. V-Day is the brainchild of Eve Ensler, author of "The Vagina Monologues." Accordingly, V stands for vagina. It also stands for violence -- but violence against women only. Violence committed by women gets no attention in V-Day events and literature, though it is a significant problem.

    Since V-Day advocates want to replace Valentine hearts with V-Day vaginas, the satirical contest seeks entries entitled "If I Only Had a V" in parody of "If I Only Had a Heart," the Tin Man's song in the classic 1939 American movie "The Wizard of Oz." Women as well as men are invited to submit lyrics that speculate on how a man's life might be happier if he only had a vagina.

    "If the intent of V-Day is not to drive a wedge between men and women, why does V-Day take place on Valentine's Day, the day on which we traditionally celebrate love between the sexes?" contest officials ask. "The contest is intended as a light-hearted way to keep Valentine's Day healthy and balanced rather than turning it into an occasion for still more hostility against men."


    The Tin Man's original lyrics to be parodied: www.RulyMob.com/contest.htm

    List of contest judges: www.RulyMob.com/judges.htm

    Deadline for entries: 9:00 P.M. US Eastern Standard Time, February 6, 2003

    Other details: www.RulyMob.com/contest.htm

    The winner of the $100 cash prize will be announced at www.RulyMob.com by 9:00 A.M. US Eastern Standard Time, February 13, 2003.

    # # #

  2. #2
    Roy Abrahams

    Re: $100 writing prize for lyric parody

    In the spirit of the request made on this thread, I am submitting the following as my entry in the contest. It was originally written to be one of my newspaper columns but the editor turned it down, asking me if I was trying to set him up for being run out of town by the local shelter women. As it has not been published, it should be eligible for entry. Email me for my mailing addressf when you are ready to send me the first prize. And make it worth my time.

    Hit me...I'm Yours

    My friend Harry was clearly upset as we met downtown a couple of weeks ago. "I'll tell you what's wrong," he said before I could ask. "Millie and I went to the courthouse yesterday to get a marriage license. Would you believe they've doubled the fee since I last got married?" He stomped a foot in disgust, drawing stares from passers-by. "When I asked why," Harry continued, "the clerk said it's so half can go to safe houses for wives hiding from their husbands."

    "I think she was talking about shelters for battered women, Harry," I said, and explained. "Each county collects that extra twenty-five dollars upon issuing a marriage license. That surcharge is then turned over to Salem for disbursal to domestic violence shelters around the state. This way, every man who gets married in Oregon helps pay the cost of providing a safe harbour for women with abusive husbands."

    "Who does the state think it is?" Harry ranted, scaring a frail, older lady into the gutter. "I mean, making me help support women other men are abusing? Why, it's a blanket indictment of all men as wife-beaters! That extra charge is nothing less than cruel and unusual punishment before the fact."

    "You might have a point there," I said, daring to think so, "but there's no way out. Just try seeing it from a woman's perspective. Ever since Og first wanted Oggette, women have gotten the heavy end of the club."

    "Well, I got that clerk!" Harry said, laughing. "I said I'd gladly pay the extra if she promised half of it went to a shelter for abused husbands. I was trying to be funny but she just gave me a dirty look and said there wasn't any such thing. So I really laid it on her." Harry had to stop talking for half a minute while he laughed at what he was about to say. "So then I said....hehehehehe...I said...Ohhh...hahaha...I said, ''Well, will you let me off for twenty five if I promise to never hit MIllie?"

    I let Harry catch his breath. "That's really funny, Harry," I said.

    Harry knew I wasn't too amused. "Well, I'm taking Millie to Nevada where licenses still cost only twenty-five."

    I wished Harry luck in his new marriage and we parted.

    A week later, I read where a shelter for abused women in a nearby town had shut down. Lack of financial support was given as the reason. Was something wrong here? Had that facility not gotten its share from the state? If not, why not? With notebook and pencil in hand, I drove west and went knocking on doors, looking for answers. I found instead some disquieting attitudes.

    "This won't be the last women's shelter to close," said the first man to open a door. "People are waking up to who the real victims are. What we really need are shelters for abused husbands." He lifted a cast-covered arm, self-servingly drawing attention to it. "Skillets and rolling pins are flying thicker than ever."

    I couldn't believe my ears. "Are you saying," I asked, "that the pendulum is swinging the other way now?" He slammed the door in my face, snarling that I was obviously blind.

    The second door was opened by a man with full use of both hands. Teetering unsteadily on crutches, he echoed the first man's words. "What we need are shelters for abused husbands. Our hospitals are overflowing with men with broken legs." I thanked him, too, and left before he could go further.

    A woman came to the door at the third house, giving me hope for a less biased slant. She let me down. "Women's shelters?" she frothed, "We don't need 'em! Call me a traitor to my sex if you want, but those places are nothing but hideouts for abusive women."

    I was furious over her insensitivity. "Are you saying," I asked, trying to hide my anger, "that women only go there hoping to escape prosecution after beating their husbands half to death?"

    "Now, just what the (blank) do you think I'm saying?"

    I backed away, alarmed. Afraid I'd find someone less rational at the next house, I gave up and drove back to Pendleton. Stopping at a supermarket on the way home, I saw my friend Harry. His eyes were swollen half shut and his face was a mass of bruises. He was working himself across the parking lot in a wheelchair.

    "Holy cow, Harry," I cried, "I warned you this would happen if you kept getting drunk in those cowboy bars. Now just look at you!"

    "I gave up drinking last year," Harry said, mumbling past a mouthful of broken teeth.

    "A car wreck?" I asked, hoping his new wife was in better shape.

    "Let's not talk about it," Harry said with finality. "Just believe me when I say I'm glad I wasted only twenty-five bucks on that marriage license."

  3. #3
    Neal P.

    Re: $100 writing prize for lyric parody

    i have to ask, who is trying to prove what? is this an attack against women-haters? men-haters? or just hate? what is the point of this attack? sounds to me like someone, or a group of people got hurt and are trying to justify their anger in some strange unhealthy way, by using a traditional lovers day as their platform...

    interesting story roy, i see you have been around a couple of peopl-haters in your day also (grin).

    the healthy way, people, is not to judge a group of individuals by the actions of one, but rather to judge the individual by his/her own actions. just because billy joe bob #1 hit his wife/girlfriend/boyfriend, doesnt mean all billy joe bobs are going too. get a clue...

  4. #4
    F Walter

    Re: $100 writing prize for lyric parody

    Well said Neal!!!

  5. #5

    Re: $100 writing prize for lyric parody

    Jeez, Louise, lighten up. It's a lyric - by it's very nature, not to be taken seriously. I could go on and on here, but I won't bother. As long as the replies aren't hateful, it's healthy to poke a bit of fun at each other.

    In my country we call it humour. Maybe it's the extra 'u' that makes it different in yours.


  6. #6
    John Laurence Robinson

    Re: $100 writing prize for lyric parody

    "Violence committed by women gets no attention in V-day events and literature..." Humor? Possibly. But to me it just sounds like the barely-held-in-check whining from a bunch of frustrated ball-busters, out to cause a ruckus. I'll pass, thanks.

  7. #7
    Neal P.

    Re: $100 writing prize for lyric parody

    thank you fran.

    nic, personally i wouldnt touch doing this lyric with roy's ten foot pole, even though i find humor in a wide range of topics. the underlying reasons for this search is what i question, not the humor in it. i am sure i could come up with something very humorous, to fit within the parameters of this so-called contest. i like the way john put it, he sums it up in one short sentence.

  8. #8
    M T

    Re: $100 writing prize for lyric parody

    I don't know, personally I'm not offended by this little contest or the reasons behind it. To be honest, I think there's way too much male bashing going on today, look at all the t.v. commercials that make men look like idiots while the women in them are always beautiful, intelligent, and tough enough to beat up a man (often for no reason). I think it's time something was said. Hey! Maybe I'll even enter the contest.

  9. #9
    M T

    Re: $100 writing prize for lyric parody

    I forgot to mention -- I'm a woman.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts