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  1. #41
    M. T.
    Guest

    Re: Debi

    I'm thinking, the poem is written from the perspective of a child who is, in fact, afraid of her imposing grandmother, so it makes sense to me that she would say 'you wouldn't let me understand you' rather than trying to understand things from the grandmother's point of view and recognise that, perhaps the grandmother had good intentions. Most kids, I think, would be inclined to blame the grandmother for forcing them to take part in something that they felt so negative about.

    Also, I don't like the term 'bitterness'. Anger ... rage ... resentment ... fine, but 'bitterness', to me, sounds almost like an attack on the person's right to feel their own pain. I'm not saying this very well. It's like, when someone is seeking sympathy for something, and they are accused of looking for 'pity'. The use of the word 'pity' makes the person in question appear pathetic and whining, but if the word 'pity' is replaced with the word 'sympathy', I don't know, it just sounds kinder. Same thing for the word 'bitterness'. It just sounds like you're saying the person is in the wrong for feeling their rage.

    One more thing. What is wrong with angry poems? I, for one, get allot out of angry poetry, short stories, books.... I believe it takes more courage to write about our own rage than to write about what makes us happy (no offense to happy poems, I write those sometimes too). I think Debbi's poem is actually quite beautiful in a raw way. It's 'real', and honest, and 'in your face'.

    Anyway, those are my thoughts. Now I have to go lure my bantam hen off the roof before Santa comes. (I'm actually serious. It's a long story).

    M.T.



  2. #42
    Roy Abrahams
    Guest

    Re: Debi

    The following will firmly establish my ignorance of the purpose of poetry and how it should be written, but I don't mind: I'm only sharing my understanding of the subject, imperfect as it is...

    Poetry, then, is extemporaneous expression of one's soul regarding the subject covered. To sit down and "compose" a poem with the idea that all who read it should and will interpret the lines in a certain, intended, way is counterproductive to getting onto paper the particular poet's unique attitude toward the subject. After all, the poet is not composing a very structured essay along the strictly prescribed rules a good essayist follows.

    Admittedly, there are rules governing the mechanics involved in poetry as there are with any form of writing. But the feelings the poet wishes to convey (overtly or covertly) and the choice of words, are not and should not be part of the mechanics. The essence of a poem, the feeling it imparts, the impact it has, is captured only without conscious thought given to any necessity to conform to "rules" that would dictate content, intent, or presentation.

    It is a given that a group of one hundred readers of a particular work - poetry or prose - will have one hundred different assessments. Any writer knows this and takes that given into consideration when working on a project. With this knowledge, the writer will write for no more than two persons: him/her self and one other who will enjoy and appreciate the writer's work. Thus it is that, having pleased him/her self and the other, the writer will comfortably and justifiably ignore all expressions of dissatisfaction despite whatever objections are advanced.

    Again, the above is only my "take" on the issue. Writing it was an experiment as I have never before now tried to capture my feelings about poetry.

    Happy holidays!

    Roy

  3. #43
    Debbi Voisey
    Guest

    Re: PB

    You should be able to email me using the email address on this post. I am curious to read your questions.

    I have read with considerable interest all the thoughts on my poem. Thank you, everyone, for taking the time. It is very helpful to me.

    Debbi

  4. #44
    Pamela Taylor
    Guest

    Re: MT

    MT, I agree that there is nothing wrong with an angry poem. As I said, I enjoyed the poem and thought it was well done, particularly the first part.

    I don't think that bitterness necessarily has to be a bad thing, it is a honest feeling whether or not one should feel it. Even if in some ideal realm people should not feel bitter over things the fact of the matter is we do and so it is a reasonable (even necessary) realm of exploration for the writer, artist, musician etc.

    Pamela

  5. #45
    Donald Lowery
    Guest

    Your poem

    I really was glued to your poem. Couldn't stop reading it. And I am one that CAN stop reading something in a microsecond, as others that have written here might know by now. I do not comment on most things here, because the writing is so dull and boring. Yours was not that. That is an achievement and you must keep that talent. It could win you fame.

    One other comment. I didn't feel anger, but there was something like hurt showing. The fact that you were describing something as clear of imagery as,"Mouth puckered like the anus of a pit bull" and other such descriptions can only mean that you are carrying some sort of baggage. You can't write like that without feeling can you?

    Merry Christmas from Don Lemon Lowery and Fantastic Family.

  6. #46
    Debbi Voisey
    Guest

    Re: Donald

    You have achieved something great here... you have rendered me speechless!

    Thank you for the wonderful things you said about my poem. I am very encouraged by your words.

    To everyone else, thank you for taking the time to comment on my first submission to the forum. I know it got mixed reviews and opinions, but each is valid in its own way and I value all your views.

    My New Year's resolution for 2003 is to work more solidly on my writing, and I hope to be brave enough to post more stuff next year. It won't be poetry though, my heart lies in novels, and I have two projects on the go (like for about 15 years!) and more in the pipeline. I hope that by posting here and getting this valuable critique, that I can hone my skills and shape my work into something that people would consider worth reading.

    Thank you all, and a Merry Christmas and New Year to you all. I hope that some of you will become my good friends (and allies) over the coming year

    Debbi

  7. #47
    Liz
    Guest

    Re: Debbie

    Well, Debbi, your poem sparked a lot of emotion and thought. What does that tell you about your ability to write?

    I agree that the first part was way stronger than the last. If you could drop the countdown in stanzas, I'd recommend rearranging. Start with puzzlement, end with anger, which would be a more natural flow of emotion anyway. Besides, I found the countdown distracting. I prefer either definite structure in a poem or none at all, and I like to know right off which it is. Just my opinion, though, nothing scientific!

    Merry Christmas once again.

  8. #48
    P B
    Guest

    Sigh/Debbie

    Recipient address:
    Reason: Remote SMTP server has rejected address






    Blast

  9. #49
    Donald Lowery
    Guest

    Your final comment

    I look forward to your comments here and would like to become a "writing friend" with you also. I think we have a lot of thoughts in common and our style of writing is pleasingly similar.

  10. #50
    Debbi Voisey
    Guest

    Re: Donald

    Donald, would you mind if I emailed you? We could maybe trade ideas etc back and forth.

    Debbi

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