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Thread: Another Try

  1. #1
    Larissa Cooney
    Guest

    Another Try

    Okay. Here is the latest draft of my query letter. I hope it works.

    Dear:

    Magic has disappeared in the Realm of Solas. Jem, a seventeen-year-old girl, escapes the torture of a slave master only to discover she is the only one who can bring magic back into the land and send the evil that plagues the earth behind the veil where it belongs. Can Jem be the defender of life, the hand of death, and the symbol of pure love for the people of the land?

    Jem is the Triad, a being created from magic who possesses extraordinary powers never before seen. She is the final hope to stop evil from taking over the land, creating slaves of its people, and destroying all that is good. As she discovers the truth of her identity Jem begins to understand that the fate of the world rests on her shoulders. As she travels the world of Solas hunting Balor, a druid turned sorcerer, Jem is met with not only resistance from its people, but is also attacked at every turn by creatures of darkness that have not been seen for hundreds of years. Throughout her journey, Jem attempts to tell the people that the Dark One has returned, as well as convince them her powers are not evil, as all magic is believed to be. The few gifted that remain have gone into hiding and Jem must find them before the Dark One discovers where they are and steals their magic. She must convince the King of Tigon to stand and fight against the imposing forces of Balorís army that has been brought from behind the veil. As Jem struggles with her conflicting identities as a weapon of magic and a mortal with a soul, she find herself in the company of Declan, a man she falls in love with, and discovers his love is not only important in her mortal life but in her duty as the Triad. Throughout her journey Jem struggles with the unfamiliarity of her powers and the realization that in the end, destroying the Dark One could take her life.

    THE TRIAD is my first novel. Iím a currently finishing my Bachelorís Degree in Literature and Writing and have published many different short works as well through the Associated Content website.

    I would be happy to send my 127,000-word manuscript to you at your request. Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you.

    Yours,

    Larissa Cooney (Daron Shea Casey)



  2. #2
    l m
    Guest

    Re: Another Try

    This reads not like a story, but like a plodding explanation of a story.

    Instead of explaining the story, why not show it?

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