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  1. #11
    Janice W-D
    Guest

    Re: I know you may be tired of me, but any last co

    Changing the many instances of "was" and other forms "to be" into vibrant verbs and losing have/had constructions will tighten your query. Use present tense or simple past, instead of past perfect. I changed a few just to illustrate my point. You can best decide how to revise without losing your intended meaning.

    Paragraph 1:
    ... I <u>was</u> learning life <u>was</u> never going to <u>wbe</u> easy. This <u>was</u> confirmed ... It <u>is</u> ...

    Paragraph 2:
    Crossing Twice: Answers from the Source <u>was</u> an account of my death, transformation, and return but more, it <u>is</u> a how-to manual offering a direct path to feeling better and performing more effectively right now, right here on Earth.

    SUGGESTION:
    Crossing Twice: Answers from the Source <u>not only relates</u> my death, transformation, and return - <u>it offers, step-by-step,</u> a direct path to feeling better and performing more effectively right now, right here on Earth.

    (By the way, I like "right now, right here on Earth".)

    Paragraph 3:
    I <u>was</u> devastated when I <u>was</u> sent back to this life, and soon consumed with depression. I hadnt yet recognized the gift Id <u>been</u> given. ... In my role as a pastoral counselor, I <u>have been</u> incorporating my new insights shared in Crossing Twice with my clients. The response <u>has been</u> amazing.

    SUGGESTION:
    In my role as a pastoral counselor, I incorporate my new insights, shared in Crossing Twice, with my clients. They responded with enthusiasm./ They made positive changes in their lives. They whatever -- something more specific than amazing/wonderful/great -- that the agent/publisher can imagine readers identifying with.

    Paragraph 4: No changes needed because you used strong verbs (noted with italics).

    My message respects every faith path, but challenges current practices of counseling psychology. The book Crossing Twice supports my multimedia platforms which includes websites, podcasts, and live speaking engagements, through which I offer my message of hope, inspiration, inclusion and compassion.

    Paragraph 5:
    I <u>have</u> worked as a helping professional for over 15 years. I now own and operate Horizons Counseling. I <u>have</u> a background that includes advanced degrees in psychology, counseling, divinity and human development. I <u>am</u> blessed to <u>be</u> bringing my approach to hundreds of people everyday through my blog, website, newsletters, direct sessions, and public speaking.

    SUGGESTION:
    I worked worked as a helping professional for over 15 years, and now own and operate Horizons Counseling. My background includes advanced degrees in psychology, counseling, divinity and human development. I <u>share my blessings by</u> bringing my approach to hundreds of people everyday through my blog, website, newsletters, direct sessions, and public speaking.

    Good luck!
    Janice



  2. #12
    Reece Manley
    Guest

    Re: I know you may be tired of me, but any last co

    Thank you, everyone, for your very generous time and insights. It is so very much appreciated and very helpful! I know it takes time to give thoughtful critiques and it very edifying to know I have found a group of professional writers. Again, the gift of your feedback is not overlooked.
    Best,
    Reece

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