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Thread: Time

  1. #1
    Joshie !
    Guest

    Time

    Dear

    The clock is ticking.

    Adraine Johnson is in a pawn shop when she finds a clock that she cannot live without. After cleaning it up, fitting it with new batteries, and setting it to the correct time she discovers It fits perfectly atop the mantle above her fireplace. But the next morning she wakes to find that she is not where she was when she fell asleep. She finds the clock next to her, only it's set to 12:00 P.M. several thousand years prior to the current time. She learns that it is more than just a clock as she is transported from places such as ancient Greece to future New York city. She must discover the secret of the strange device before she is stranded and alone strange times.

    TIME is a 80,000-word paranormal fiction that follows a characters struggles through unfamiliar times.

    Thank you for your consideration.

    Sincerely,



  2. #2
    Joshie !
    Guest

    Re: Time

    If you could give me your most humble opinions of this. I would be much obliged.

    Joshie!

  3. #3
    Joshie !
    Guest

    Re: Time

    and there is supposed to be an in after the alone in the first paragraph so ignore that part.

    Thanks again
    Joshie!

  4. #4
    Wonky
    Guest

    Re: Time

    What happened to Calamari?

  5. #5
    Arden Wolfe
    Guest

    Re: Time

    Very well.

    1. First line is cliché.

    2. The second line is passive heavy, makes no sense, cliché, and is self-indulgent.

    3. There is no plot or conflict for the reader to grasp onto. There is no reason to care about the character or quest notion for the reader to desire to read more.

    4. Third line is good until you add more - that follows a characters (is it one character or characters?) struggles through unfamiliar times. This is trite and says nothing at all.

    5. Last line is good.

    6. Nothing about you.

    Is this query something from your boredom as you wait for the first query responses?

    The question is rhetorical.

    Heck, I'll play.

    Wolfe

  6. #6
    Arden Wolfe
    Guest

    Re: Time

    Dear Agent:

    Time kills. Sister Adraine must recover the Clock before the Beast unlocks the final seal and damn all humanity. What she does not know is that the Beast is one of her own.

    TIME is an 80,000-word paranormal thriller. It chronicles exact passages from the Bible's Revelations similar to LaHaye and Jenkins's Left Behind: A Novel of the Earth's Last Days.

    I have published short stories in Reader's Digest, electronic articles for CNN.com, and am currently teaching creative writing and English at Tennessee State University.

    Thank you a your time and consideration.

    Sincerely,
    Smarmy Wolfe

  7. #7
    Arden Wolfe
    Guest

    Re: Time

    Thank you FOR your time and consideration.

  8. #8
    Arden Wolfe
    Guest

    Re: Time

    Here is what boredom - and a late night energy drink - will do to you...

    Dear Agent:

    1. Time kills. Sister Adraine must recover the Clock before the Beast unlocks the final seal and damn all (useless word - remove it) humanity. What she does not (negative use) know is that (needed word?) the Beast is one of her own.

    2. TIME is an 80,000-word paranormal thriller. It chronicles exact (remove this word - pointless) passages from the Bible's Revelations similar to LaHaye and Jenkins's Left Behind: A Novel of the Earth's Last Days.

    3. I have published short (most likely pointless - all stories in RD are short) stories in Reader's Digest, electronic (ditto - of course it's electronic if it is CNN.com - duh) articles for CNN.com, and am currently (useless adverb) teaching creative writing (should be capitalized since it is a proper noun) and English at Tennessee State University.

    4. Thank you a (for) your time and consideration.

    Sincerely,
    Smarmy Wolfe

  9. #9
    Arden Wolfe
    Guest

    Re: Time

    The point:

    Nothing comes out perfect. It needs to be polished over and over again. EVERY sentence must be looked over until it sings.

    Redundant, useless, and obvious words must be removed as they impede the reader.

    Polish, polish, polish...

    Got it?

    Wolfe

    I really don't need to drink these things anymore...

  10. #10
    Joshie !
    Guest

    Re: Time

    Is this query something from your boredom as you wait for the first query responses?

    The question is rhetorical.


    Hit it on the nose Arden


    And [b] Kamari [/i] is waiting for agent responses. Got a few partials out so well see how it goes.

    There are only a limited number of things you can do while you wait around.

    I've been watching alot of movies.

    Joshie!

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