Re: Query letter Does this look better?
Sapphire Savvy and Joe Zeff and L Bea-Thank you for the advice. I was trying to use humor in the first sentence, consensus says it's not working. I'll work on it.
L BEA-I've been in lurker mode reading (The Elements of Style, as suggested)and, re-writing again, and again. I see what you are saying about the then-then thing I can change that. I'm glad that you noticed that it's come along way.
Robert Brown-When I chose Urban Fantasy my understanding was that it was set in this world, this time. I guess that I must have misunderstood? Do you think that Contemporary Fantasy or Modern-day Fantasy would be better? I could use Fantasy and let the agent decide where they want it to be?
I'll work on the query and see what I come up with.