Synopsis, V3

[s glen]

Hi all:

OK, I am not getting any sleep. I now have 3 agents wanting to take a look at my man and synopsis. And my synopsis...well, it needs work. Here is V3 (I sure hope that some day this site will have Bulletin Board so we can modify/delete our other posts. Maybe we should start a fund )


Plagued by survivor’s guilt about his family perishing in a plane, mathematics teacher JAMES PAYTON wants to be everyone’s savior. An ancient prophecy turns him into the savior of his dreams—or rather, his nightmares.

When he receives a plane ticket to a St. Louis teacher’s conference, he also receives a bizarre fortune that foretells his death. The terrifying message is clear: You die soon. James renews his resolve to never get on an airplane.

James’s flight number, 181, starts to appear in unexpected places—at a gas station, on a cash register receipt, on a wine bar bill. James’s sister uses the number 181 to decipher the code on an African relic. It reveals the coming of a harbinger, a man who lays the path for the arrival of a savior. The bone’s secrets include a precise map of James’s movements.

James balks when his sister suggests that he is the prophesized harbinger, and he attempts to act contrary to the prophecy. Despite his efforts to prove the ancient text is nonsense, every move he makes brings him one step closer to the airplane and his fate. To compound the misery he feels, he is haunted by a recurring dream of a woman on an airplane who accuses him of causing her baby’s death by not switching seats. When he is thrown neck-deep into a bus full of drowning passengers, and discovers the event was foretold, the pragmatic pedagogue becomes an unlikely believer.

With the help of a bottle of diazepam a resigned James boards flight 181. Faced with the woman from his dreams onboard the flight, James sacrifices his first class seat to her, knowing that his action will likely cause his death. One hour into the flight, an explosion in the main electrical panel causes flight 181 to spin out of control. After death, he is reunited with his family and childhood friends, sure in the knowledge that the prophecy was fulfilled and that he finally took control of his life.

The sole survivor of the plane crash is the pregnant woman who delivers the baby—the prophesized savior. The baby is raised to know James Payton as the man who sacrificed his life so that he could live.

[Countess Olenska]

"phrophesized" should be "phrophesied."

Other than that, it looks good, s glen.

[Harper]

Let me preface my comment by saying that I hate synopses and feel that I am terrible at writing them. That said, I like yours. I don't know if there's enough info about the storyline, but others can comment on that. I think it's clear and succinct and very readable.

Two things:

"neck-deep into a bus full of drowning passengers" -- I get that this event is important because it makes him believe the prophecy, but it's abruptly introduced into the synopsis. From the airplane dream, suddenly he's on a bus. Also "neck-deep" -- do you mean that literally? Either way, it's a bad choice of words.

Also the "after death" bit threw me for a loop, kind of came out of nowhere that we are now going to have after death revelation. Maybe there's a way to lead into this less abruptly.

Other than that, I like it. I'd read it.

[C Bets]

This sounds like a fabulous read, s glen! I really love the premise, and the synopsis is pretty clear and succinct. I have to agree, however, that the “busload of drowning passengers” segment is misplaced, at best. I’d remove it from the end of that paragraph for starters. Then, expand on that scene a little more to explain how he ended up in the situation and how he knew the event had been foretold in the first place.

I’d also change “James renews his resolve to never get on an airplane” (because he obviously does later on) to: “James had always had a fear of flying since childhood (or whatever) and this gave him cause to never wanting to set foot on a plane again, despite this trip being unavoidable.” Okay, not good, but I think you need to reword a little so that it’s clear he’s going to take the trip despite his reservations.

I sure wish you success, because I’d LOVE to pick this book up!

Good luck!

C

[s glen]

Guys, thanks for the nice comments. I've made the fixes. Boy oh boy, these synopses are a rite of passage huh?

[Countess Olenska]

They are never fun, s glen. Never!

[Diane Rogers]

Hi S Glen,

This is one of the few synopses I actually read the WHOLE thing. I liked it. It drew me in. There were a few things that threw me, though, as mentioned above. But in the last sentence of the third paragraph--"The bone’s secrets include a precise map of James’s movements"--you totally lost me. Didn't you post an earlier synopsis where you wrote about a bone? Aside from that, I really enjoyed it and look forward to hearing more on it. And yes, writing the synopsis IS a rite of passage. And no matter how long you write (IMO) it takes for-EVER to construct one that makes you happy. And then you'll read it a week later and hate it! Aaugh!

Diane

[Harper]

Let us know when it's published!

[s glen]

Diane,

Yes, I did post an earlier synopsis (or was it my query?). And the bone was probably in there. I've been working on both for a few weeks

Harper,

I sure will, lol.


Everyone,

Thanks for all of your encouragement!