query letter needs improvement
I sent out eight queries using this letter, and got two positive responses. I\'d like to improve those odds. One agent said that my publishing credits interested her more than my query. Please help!
Dear Agent So-and-so,
Tamana Sorn thought she’d long ago severed her connections to the hidden realm of Tanagal and its ruler, Queen Maire--but when she finds a Tangalian corpse in her garden, and her strangely gifted apprentice disappears, she plunges into a world of conspiracy and deadly magic. [Booktitle] is a 100,000 word fantasy combining the grounded feel of [authorexample1]\'s books with the wry sensibility of [authorexample2].
Tamana Sorn has eked out a quiet living as an herbal healer among mortals: teaching nine-year-old Braye how ash-onion softens bad dreams, how beggar\'s cap increases generosity. She discovers that the boy has an unusual talent: he can see through things. It\'s a gift that brings unwanted attention. When Braye vanishes, Tamana returns to Tanagal--a land she once renounced--in search of the boy. There she frees Corrid, a man ensnared in deerhound form, and encounters shapeshifters who force her into their own mold with disastrous results. (Who would have thought galloping over the plains would be so punishing?) They deliver her to the lord of Herron, who is pursuing a dangerous agenda of his own. With Corrid’s help, Tamana escapes, damaged and uncertain of her abilities. But she\'s convinced that Queen Maire holds the key to Braye’s abduction. To retrieve him, Tamana must cross the boundaries of death itself, for the Queen has hidden Braye among the dead to keep him safe from the enemy that would destroy them all.
If you are interested in [booktitle], I would be happy to send you sample chapters, a detailed synopsis, or the complete manuscript.