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  1. #1
    DEREK VITATOE
    Guest

    #3 and rollin' (brain's fryin)

    SYNOPSIS (THANKS TO ALL WHO HAS HELPED, HOPEFULLY I'M NOT BACK TO SQUARE 1 WITH THESE CHANGES, LET ME KNOW)

    "Brooks felt the pressure beginning to build and struggled to keep his pe*** from becoming engorged by trying to think of something else besides what was happening. But, Natalie’s groans and moans kept this from happening and before he could prevent it, he exploded. The first twenty seconds of intimacy had clearly been so erotic for Natalie that she was completely oblivious to the fact that it was over and done with. Or was she? As he began to plummet like a plane approaching for landing, he knew that he had to act quickly. From the feel-good expression on Natalie’s face, he could only hope that she was not aware of his shortcomings."

    When Natalie spreads the humiliating news of Brooks Tarver's inability to satisfy her sexually, he immediately becomes the subject of the dreadful rumor around the campus of Michigan Central. Even though he has been able to overcome the abuse from a molesting Aunt, and a mother who didn't care about anyone but herself, Brooks struggles emotionally to deal with something as simple as a sexual malfunction.

    In an attempt to overshadow his secret with Natalie, Brooks befriends his roommate, Rob, and the two hit it off in grand fashion, flirting with girls at a nearby campus, playing cards and talkin' s*** in the dorm room on fellas night, even sharing the deepest, darkest of secrets. But there is one secret Brooks isn't willing to share, not with anyone, not even with his best friend, Rob.

    Madeline Harris is a rising star with the Detroit Police Department scoring a perfect record of solving every case she has ever worked on. The most recent, the Infectious Man case, involved a black man in his early twenties who had been diagnosed with having HIV and HSV-2, better known as Genital Herpes, diseases which he had contracted from a woman in the state of Mississippi. Determined to even the odds by retaliating against every woman he could, the Infectious Man partakes on a f****ing spree, transmitting the deadly diseases to several innocent women, including Natalie, a boisterous young college girl he had met a party on the Eastside of Detroit. Disturbed by the Infectious Man's negligence, Madeline volunteers as the lead agent, eventually apprehending the subject in one of Detroit's hundred contaminated basements.

    Now, after a one-night stand with the Infectious Man, Natalie is told devastating news of having acquired an STD. With her health worsening, not only does she betray the promise she had once made with Brooks of keeping the details of their sexual experience within closed walls, but also she lies, taking the rumor a step further by implying that it was Brooks who had given her the diseases. As the buzz around campus intensifies, Brooks is wrongfully confronted by several of her closest associates, leaving him no choice but to relive the treacherous lifestyle he once lived when nothing mattered, not even the life of another person.

    "Madeline shook her head in disbelief as she left Chief Marcellas’ office. She had been asked to work on some bizarre cases during her tenure with the Detroit Police Department, but this one, an undercover assignment at a suburban university seemed to take the cake. She wondered again what she could possibly have in common with college-aged students and couldn't seem to come up with a definitive answer. How could she even pretend to be one of those hair dying, party hopping, and binge-drinking coeds?"

    Reluctantly accepting the job, Madeline motivates herself by remembering her deceased husband Johnny, who was gunned down years ago in a drive-by shooting. No witnesses. No motive. No conviction. As a result, Madeline has made the commitment towards catching the unlawful criminal, and it is a young man named Brooks Tarver, an individual with a violent past, who now leads her list of prime suspects.

    A wrongfully accused victim of transmitting a deadly sexual disease, Brooks has suddenly gone berserk, slaughtering several students at Michigan Central. In fact, weeks after Madeline's enrollment at the university, her undercover plot as a student is exposed by Rob and she is taken to a grimy motel where it was intended for her to become Brooks' next victim. But it's Madeline's best friend, Simone, who notices the suspicious gentlemen carrying her into the motel room. When Simone thinks wisely to call Monahan, Madeline's partner, he and the rest of the police force arrive at the scene in no time, and Brooks is shot down after a short physical altercation. But it's not over. Minutes before Monahan and the police force had arrived at the motel, Rob had left the scene, and as he now watches Madeline exult over the killing of his best friend, the fiery passion in his eyes blazes with hate, and he is convinced to even the score with her, kidnapping the one person she cares about most, her daughter Amber.

    Taken to Dayton, Ohio, Amber is tied, gagged, and thrown into a dark, isolated room. When law enforcement agents surround the premises, Rob makes a final request to see Madeline. Contemplating giving in to Rob's demand, an exchanging of herself for her daughter, Madeline ultimately starts towards the door. But when Amber darts out, Madeline freezes, when Rob advances towards the doorway with his pistol pointed at her daughter's back. Suddenly, a single shot rings off, and while Madeline is busy embracing her little girl, it's the sharp shooting of Monahan that provides a clearance for the other officers to check the vital signs on Rob.

    At the end of the day, as Madeline reviews her acceptance letter into the Homicide Division, a special breaking story is announced on t.v., “Police are at the scene of what is now being ruled as a homicide at a church on Detroit’s Westside." Madeline knew that the Homicide Division was going to be a challenge. But it was a challenge she was ready to confront.



  2. #2
    Michelle L
    Guest

    Re: #3 and rollin' (brain's fryin)

    This is better than your last synopsis. I now understand how Brook's story and Madeline's co-exist. I know you probably like the first paragraph, but I don't really think it is necessary in a synopsis. Starting it out saying how Brooks can't satisfy Natalie sexually would be good enough. In a synopsis (which is a rather bare-boned summary of the story) a whole paragraph dedicated to the details of their sex seems unecessary to me. But, maybe others have an opinion on this in contrary.

    Also, some of the descriptive parts seem unnecessary, ie, firey passion in his eyes (third to last paragraph). There are other examples of this throughout the synopsis which should probably be left out.

    All in all, much better than your last synopsis. Also, have you looked into how to write one style-wise? There are some things, such as capitalizing names of characters etc. that needs to be done. There are books you could get at the library that would show you how to do this.

    Good luck!

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