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  1. #1
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    Query Review: Inheritance. Second attempt

    Dear Agent

    Island. The word brings certain images to mind. Remote. Misty breezes. Waterfalls. Relaxing naps in the sun. And that all holds true for Aster Island. It is remote and peaceful and relaxing. Except for one little, tiny detail. Aster Island is home to a secret society of females who hunt down and enslave unsuspecting males.

    For years, after the One Manís War, women had been bound and tortured by man in the dungeons of Aster. And then the rebellion, led by one small teenage girl, liberated them all. For the next thousand years, the women would exact their revenge.

    It is now seventy years into the retribution, and Faith Kensington, only daughter of the Great Mother, and future leader of all of Aster, has come of age. She must now go to the main lands on a hunt for her first endowment, a male slave, to continue her peopleís legitimate tradition. Faith is a loyal soldier, a protector of her peopleís borders, and a merciless killer when she has to be. But she has a secret. She neither wants her motherís position, nor the slave sheís coming to inherit.

    When Roman Forrester, a bruiser searching for his missing friend, awakes after being drugged, heís in a strange place and finds an unmovable piece of metal stuck to his chest. After weeks of agonizing tortures, and Roman scheming a possible escape, he is eventually put into servitude. Soon, he begins unraveling the true nature of his capture and the Great Motherís plans. Now, if only he can get his master, the beautiful and impossible Faith Kensington, to listen.

    Choices arenít always easy and paths not always smooth. And in a place where secrets are rife and loyalty runs deep, Faith and Romanís journey will be no different.

    INHERITANCE is my second fully finished manuscript with series potential. It is a 100,000 word, Suspense/Thriller, Dystopia, that takes revenge to the extreme. I am currently working on earning my B.A. in English while writing my next book.

    Thank you for your time and consideration.



  2. #2
    Rogue Mutt
    Guest
    Island. The word brings certain images to mind. Remote. Misty breezes. Waterfalls. Relaxing naps in the sun. And that all holds true for Aster Island. It is remote and peaceful and relaxing. Except for one little, tiny detail. Aster Island is home to a secret society of females who hunt down and enslave unsuspecting males.
    That would sound great coming from Rod Serling. You need to condense all the background into just a couple of sentences. It might help you to read this thread. The gist is that to summarize your story into one sentence you can use this formula: Situation + Character + Objective + Opponent + Obstacle

    In your case it might be like: Now that she's of age, Faith Kensington is being forced to hunt and take her own slave, but when she falls in love with the indomitable Roman, she will have to forsake her destiny and forge her own.

    INHERITANCE is my second fully finished manuscript with series potential.
    I think I said before that unless the first one has been published and sold a bunch of copies, there's no sense mentioning it.

  3. #3
    Junior Member
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    wow! I learned a lot from this reply

  4. #4
    Junior Member
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    Thank you for all the helpful tips.

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