HomeWritersLiterary AgentsEditorsPublishersResourcesDiscussion
Forum Login | Join the discussion
+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Hybrid View

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Somewhere in the Northeastern United States
    Posts
    11

    Review query request

    Dear Agent

    After suffering through years of psychological breaks, lengthy hospital stays, and ultimately, the death of her beloved parents, Hazel Wolfe must now come face to face with her demons as she is launched amidst an otherworldly realm of reality. THE REDDER is an 87,000 word, urban fantasy mythopoeia, that, after studying your profile, I believe will be a worthy fit for your representation. This new adult, paranormal novel is brimming with emotional suspense, action, and life and death situations. It will leave the reader wondering who is good and who is evil, and who, if anyone, can be trusted.

    On the outside, Hazel Wolfe is the poster child for wild. Sheís outgoing and sassy, and whose only worries in life are seemingly getting into night clubs with her fake I.D. and putting together her first art gallery. Yet on the inside, Hazel is relentlessly plagued with the dark voices that have haunted her since childhood.

    Living alone for the first time, Hazel expects to self-medicate her delusions away as she dives headfirst into her work. Yet, for all her efforts of normality, Hazelís sickness escalates to the degree of hallucinations until the very thing thatís been driving her crazy becomes real in the flesh.

    Talon, her tormentor, has been a shadow in Hazelís conscience since she was six years old. Now, just after her twentieth birthday, Talon finally shows himself to Hazel. He demands she travel with him to another realm where she alone will open a mysterious box to free his kind.

    Armed with extraordinarily powerful gifts, Talon must teach Hazel how to wield her new powers and survive against the ones who hunt her, all while denying his urge to have her for himself. But as they set off on their dark and spiraling quest, Hazel and Talonís personalities often collide.
    She will have to abandon all she knows of realityóher world, her twin sisteróand trust the domineering stranger completely if she is to succeed. But can she? And is there more to the story than Talonís telling her? What, or who, exactly will she be unleashing?

    THE REDDER has been my labor of love for two and a half years and is an adaptation of the fabled Pandora legends in which I hope to make into a series. I am currently working on earning my B.A. in English while writing my next book, a suspenseful dystopia that takes gender roles and flips them on their sides. I am an avid reader in mostly paranormal, romance, and dystopian, but will readily read almost any recommendation.

    I would like to thank you for the consideration and time you have taken to read my query. My full manuscript is available upon your request and I look forward to your response.

  2. #2
    Rogue Mutt
    Guest
    to face with her demons as she is launched amidst an otherworldly realm of reality
    My reaction to that is: huh?

    urban fantasy mythopoeia
    An urban fantasy what?

    Sheís outgoing and sassy, and whose only worries in life are seemingly getting into night clubs with her fake I.D. and putting together her first art gallery.
    And whose sounds awkward. I'd ditch the outgoing and sassy part and let the rest of the sentence illustrate that she's wild.

    Talon, her tormentor, has been a shadow in Hazelís conscience since she was six years old
    Here's where you're finally getting to the point. The stuff before that was all prologue.

    So really I think your hook line should involve this. Something like: Hazel has been haunted by a ghost since she was six years old--but now that ghost is becoming real.

    He demands she travel with him to another realm where she alone will open a mysterious box to free his kind.
    Why does she want this? What's in it for her? Is he promising to leave her alone?

    has been my labor of love for two and a half years
    Not to be a jerk, but they probably won't care about that.

    I am an avid reader in mostly paranormal, romance, and dystopian, but will readily read almost any recommendation.
    And definitely not about this.

    I would like to thank you for the consideration and time you have taken to read my query
    Would you? Which is a jerk way of saying don't beat around the bush. Just say "Thank you for your consideration." If your manuscript is loaded with empty phrases like that, you might have a problem if they choose to read it.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    1,142
    Get rid of this...

    Quote Originally Posted by AinsleyRoss View Post
    After suffering through years of psychological breaks, lengthy hospital stays, and ultimately, the death of her beloved parents, Hazel Wolfe must now come face to face with her demons as she is launched amidst an otherworldly realm of reality. THE REDDER is an 87,000 word, urban fantasy mythopoeia, that, after studying your profile, I believe will be a worthy fit for your representation. This new adult, paranormal novel is brimming with emotional suspense, action, and life and death situations. It will leave the reader wondering who is good and who is evil, and who, if anyone, can be trusted.
    and this...

    THE REDDER has been my labor of love for two and a half years and is an adaptation of the fabled Pandora legends in which I hope to make into a series. I am currently working on earning my B.A. in English while writing my next book, a suspenseful dystopia that takes gender roles and flips them on their sides. I am an avid reader in mostly paranormal, romance, and dystopian, but will readily read almost any recommendation.
    and this:

    I would like to thank you for the consideration and time you have taken to read my query. My full manuscript is available upon your request and I look forward to your response.
    Replace all of these with a "housekeeping line" like this (note the hyphen):

    "THE REDDER is an 87,000-word [genre], with series potential."

    And sign off with this:

    "Thank you for your time and consideration."

    Limit the whole thing to 250 words. Never tell the agent about the qualities of your novel (e.g.: "...brimming with emotional suspense, action, and life and death situations.") Write a query that shows them.

    Suggest you spend a few hours browsing through the archives at Query Shark.

    Good luck.

  4. #4
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Somewhere in the Northeastern United States
    Posts
    11
    Thank you, Mutt and Jayce. I will continue to refine my query.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts