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  1. #1
    Rogue Mutt
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    Blood In

    After all the arguments with ironpony about his story, I got thinking about a different way to do the story.

    Bob lives in a bad neighborhood dominated by a gang. He sees the gang members around and has thought about joining but has made a promise to his mom to finish school. Then one day an old friend approaches him and asks him to hang out. Against his better judgment, Bob goes with his friend and spends some time with the gang. He hides this from his family. As days go by he spends more time with the gang, to the point that his friend says they want him to be a member.

    To become a member he has to do a "blood in" which involves killing someone who is believed to have betrayed the gang. So they take him to a warehouse where this person is being held and Bob is given a gun. He hesitates but ultimately he fires the gun and kills the person.

    Then everyone starts freaking out because the "blood in" was supposed to be a hoax. The gun was supposed to have fake bullets but somehow live ammunition was inserted instead.

    As everyone is arguing and accusing each other, sirens are heard. So everyone takes off running in different directions. Bob finds himself on the run from the police and from the gang, who blame him for killing the guy.

    Bob soon starts to find proof that he was set up by his friend, who wanted to get the top dog of the gang busted and take control for himself. Bob is stopped by a cop and they agree to work together to bring in Bob's friend in exchange for Bob getting a lighter sentence. They set a trap for his friend, who is taken into custody.

    Later, Bob's mother visits him in prison and he apologizes to her and promises to finish school while he's in the joint.

    The end?

    Any thoughts on this premise?

  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    Because the narrative focus is on Bob, my assumption is that he's the MC. But he's hardly likable, and he gets duped to boot. If the cop is the MC, most of the story action occurs before he ever makes an appearance. That said, I would double-down on Bob, let him go deep into the gang culture (maybe he's the top dog they're trying to unseat); remove the cop from the story (except maybe as a subplot), and have Bob undergo an epiphany in which he realizes his life has been a big failure and he must somehow make amends (the character arc).

    By the way, I googled "blood in" and learned that the full expression is "blood in, blood out", meaning that a member can join a gang only by taking a life, and can get out only by dying. (There's a movie by this title; stars Benjamin Bratt.)

  3. #3
    Rogue Mutt
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    Some interesting thoughts. Thanks!

  4. #4
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    That's not bad, it sounds like it could lead to interesting things for sure. It depends on the pay off. But I don't think that too much happens before the MC appears. I think all this can be told in five pages maybe even, before the MC arrives.

  5. #5
    Member K.S. Crooks's Avatar
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    My thought is to make the focus of the story on the chase of Bob, while he investigates his friend and the gang. A police officer could be involved on their own end, but separate from Bob...like in The Fugitive.
    K.S. Crooks - Dreamer and Author
    http://www.kscrooks.com

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