HomeWritersLiterary AgentsEditorsPublishersResourcesDiscussion
Forum Login | Join the discussion
+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 15
  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Atlanta
    Posts
    37

    First post short

    Thought of this last night before falling asleep and wrote it this evening. Too lame?

    A Western

    Lex knew he would die today. To the west, he could just make out Pollack's Appaloosa rounding the bend of Fischer's Mountain. He knew it was Pollack; nobody else could have found him so soon or would have a reason to. Seemed Pollack had a one man posse with him, though Lex couldn't understand why.

    Lex swallowed one more spoonful of his sonofabitch stew as a symbol of his last meal, washed it down with the dregs of a bottle of whiskey as his last drink, then lit a pre-rolled cigarette as his last smoke. He watch the setting sun hanging low, just above the mountain peaks, and thought his final thoughts; nothing as dramatic as he would have figured.

    Pollack and his friend arrived in half a cigarette's time. Pollack dismounted. "Why didn't you run? You had time enough for a head start."

    "Tired. No reason to anyway. You're the only man I know that can sniff a soul out like a bloodhound."

    "You can get out this alive, you know. I'll give you one last chance."

    Lex studied Pollack's square face for a few seconds. "Nope, my life's been hell enough without the extra baggage."

    Pollack reached for his Colt. "You got a minute to make your peace."

    "Already done that. Just make it fast."

    Pollack aimed.

    ***

    Pollack holstered his Colt and climbed on his horse.

    "You didn't tell me you wanted to kill that man, Poll," his partner said. "I thought you just wanted to talk."

    "He threatened to run off with my wife before I left for Silo City a few days ago."

    "Well, I guess he had it coming. Ain't proper for a man to go around messing with another's woman."

    "That's not why I killed him."

    "Why then?"

    "The battle ax was still there when I got home."
    Last edited by leedix; 09-01-2016 at 07:23 AM.



  2. #2
    Rogue Mutt
    Guest
    That is kind of lame. Like a joke some old guys on a golf course would make. Take my wife, please! But I think you captured the Western setting pretty well.

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Atlanta
    Posts
    37
    Thanks man. Bad "joke" aside, any comments on the writing?

  4. #4
    Rogue Mutt
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by leedix View Post
    Thanks man. Bad "joke" aside, any comments on the writing?
    I thought it was good.

  5. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Atlanta
    Posts
    37
    Thanks, Mutt. This was sort of an experimental genre since I'm really a speculative guy. Never done a "western" before this. I do stuff like that--out of my comfort zone--to try to expand (and to see if I can pull it off).
    Last edited by leedix; 09-01-2016 at 09:47 AM.

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    1,142
    Quote Originally Posted by leedix View Post
    ...any comments on the writing?
    Pretty good stuff. It moved quickly, the dialog worked, the POV held up.

    Yeah, I liked it. (Until I didn't.)

    -------

    (Actually, when I read the last line, my thought was, "Dang it! You got me!)

  7. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Atlanta
    Posts
    37
    Well, at least I know never ever to delve into "comedy" in my experiments. Live and learn.
    Thank you Jayce.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    684
    I've heard the joke before, but I still laughed. Guess I wasn't expecting it in this context. I don't read Westerns, but I thought it was good. I would've continued reading if you hadn't closed with the joke. Do you read any Westerns?

  9. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Atlanta
    Posts
    37
    Quote Originally Posted by The Tinman View Post
    I've heard the joke before, but I still laughed. Guess I wasn't expecting it in this context. I don't read Westerns, but I thought it was good. I would've continued reading if you hadn't closed with the joke. Do you read any Westerns?
    Damn. I thought it was original. Now I doubly know not to try to be funny; I can't even come up with an original joke! heh.
    The irony is that I can have some pretty funny parts in my "normal" writing...when I'm not purposely trying. I guess natural humor is better (at least for me).

    I have read westers, Tin, but not in recent years. Used to love L'amour. This little ditty was one of those things I'll think up, then write it on a whim.
    Thanks a lot for the "continued reading." Things like that keep me on my toes just as much as "didn't care for this or that."

  10. #10
    Rogue Mutt
    Guest
    A man robbed a bank and confessed so he could go to jail and be away from his wife. It's almost like a real life version of this joke. https://www.yahoo.com/news/seeking-e...211543291.html

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts