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  1. #11
    Rogue Mutt
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jay Greenstein View Post
    You miss the point, of course. That he's watching a video of any kind is irrelevant to the plot.
    Actually you're missing your own point. You're the one who said:
    You say watching "his" movie. That seems to imply that he either owns it or is in it.
    So I explained why that was wrong.

    Of course now that you realize you're wrong, you're trying to say, "Well it doesn't matter because it's irrelevant to the plot!"

    The Fonz had an easier time admitting mistakes than you do.



  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jay Greenstein View Post
    You miss the point, of course. That he's watching a video of any kind is irrelevant to the plot. It doesn't develop character, and, is unnecessary to scene setting. So the words used to define it as "his" serve only to slow the narrative.
    Jay, maybe YOU missed the point. Watching the video DOES contribute to the husband's characterization because it's a horror video. I suspect you read only a few lines, or you would have noticed the female character comment on her husband's love of horror. It also ties in with references to the Tinman, and the end of the prologue where, after the occurrence in the backyard, the husband returns the movie unwatched.

    I think our idea of what stories should be varies too widely, though I DO want to thank you again for your comments.

    Good luck!!

  3. #13
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    I've only returned here after 2 years or so since I first registered because of a pretty bad first impression, so I'm not all that familiar with JG's comments. But from what I've seen, I think he may repeat a lot of things because what he says is true, esp from what I see in a lot of forum posts. It's very hard (for me) to be immersed in a story wo a strong viewpoint.

    ...not specifically speaking of you, TM, but in general.

  4. #14
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    Really? He pulled a truck loaded with firewood out of a ditch with the chain? Do you know how big that chain would have to be? Would anyone use a chain that big to chain a dog, even a German Shepherd? Don't think so. Also, you make it sound like the chain is broken in two. I didn't really buy that either. Far more likely that the collar would break from the chain or the chain would be ripped from the doghouse. Maybe the collar looks like it was bitten apart and has blood on it - that would be more believable and scary to me.
    Last edited by John Oberon; 09-04-2016 at 07:59 AM.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by leedix View Post
    ...not specifically speaking of you, TM, but in general.
    Leedix, no problem, you didn't step on my toes, lol. Besides, I didn't come on here for ego gratification and validation from strangers. I want to know any problems in my writing. In this particular piece I made a conscious choice for brevity in setting. Too brief? That was one of my questions. I didn't note specific questions I have with the story because I didn't want to color anyone's perceptions.

  6. #16
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    Thanks for reading this, John. When I posted the trigger warning on profanity I had wondered if you would read it. I appreciate it.

    Quote Originally Posted by John Oberon View Post
    Really? He pulled a truck loaded with firewood out of a ditch with the chain? Do you know how big that chain would have to be? Would anyone use a chain that big to chain a dog, even a German Shepherd?
    To answer your questions:

    Yes, as a former truck driver, I DO know how big a chain has to be to pull a loaded truck: chain strength is based on several factors beyond size, including the alloy. Size is actually a smaller factor than alloy. A tow chain capable of pulling a truck, even an unloaded tractor trailer, is not much bigger than a good-sized dog chain.

    As far as chaining a German Shepherd with one, again, the answer is yes. Not only have I seen it, I've done it myself. One of the German Shepherds I owned (Duke, at 110 lbs, a little oversized, but not a monster) habitually broke dog chains. Once, in an effort to keep him corralled, I used 2 dog chains . . . he beat me back to my house, lol. So I used a tow chain. And again, yes, I spoke from experience -- I had used the chain to pull a full-sized pickup with a load of wood out of a ditch.

    Having said this, if most people's perceptions follow yours (even if wrong), I have to take that into consideration. Sometimes perception is stronger than fact.

    Thanks again, John.

  7. #17
    Rogue Mutt
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    When Oberon mentioned it, it did make me a little skeptical. Maybe just don't mention the part about the truck because us non-truckers might get the wrong idea.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rogue Mutt View Post
    When Oberon mentioned it, it did make me a little skeptical. Maybe just don't mention the part about the truck because us non-truckers might get the wrong idea.
    Mutt, yeah that's what I was thinking. I'll have to use some other measure to indicate chain strength, if I use it at all.

  9. #19
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    Even so, a stress strong enough to break the chain is unlikely to break it before the collar or where it's connected to the doghouse, wouldn't you think? A typical dog collar can't pull a loaded truck, and I suspect a metal clasp bolted to a wooden doghouse would fail as well. One of those two points would break before the chain.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by John Oberon View Post
    Even so, a stress strong enough to break the chain is unlikely to break it before the collar or where it's connected to the doghouse, wouldn't you think? A typical dog collar can't pull a loaded truck, and I suspect a metal clasp bolted to a wooden doghouse would fail as well. One of those two points would break before the chain.
    Yes to all of that. If the collar is heavy leather the dog's neck would probably break first, IMO. But you're assuming the dog's chain is bolted to the dog house -- not a good idea, particularly with a strong dog; the dog ends up either pulling the cleat loose or dragging the dog house. The best idea is chaining it to a tree.

    This is a horror novel. The creature that steals the dog, breaks the chain (trust me, it can do this, lol). I'm glad you're questioning me about this, but please don't get bogged down in minor details. There is something not working here; whether it's the brevity of description and scene, poor writing on my part, a combination of both, or something else, I don't know. Hopefully someone will take a Big picture look and catch it. Again, thanks!!

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