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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rogue Mutt View Post
    [I]

    Unless they've seen Star Wars Episodes I, II, III, IV, and VI. Which the intended reader surely has.
    Problem with intent is that it doesn't make it to the page. But if they have, the description is unnecessary. So either way, it's an info-dump that doesn't work.



  2. #22
    Rogue Mutt
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    I don't think you know what an info dump is. If it opened with paragraphs about the history of the planet or the character that would be a lot of unnecessary detail. Giving the reader an idea of where this is taking place and who the main character is is not unnecessary detail.

  3. #23
    Rogue Mutt
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    BTW, I think it's a better opening than "Creaking and groaning the wagon labored its way across the prairie. The range grass crushed by the iron shod wheels filled the air with a musty, sour smell. Ahead, maybe two hours away, a thin line of smoke trailed upward, staining the sky." That's just a bunch of useless description.

    Something John Oberon has complained about recently in critiques is not knowing enough about the setting of a story. This opening certainly does that.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rogue Mutt View Post
    "Creaking and groaning the wagon labored its way across the prairie. The range grass crushed by the iron shod wheels filled the air with a musty, sour smell. Ahead, maybe two hours away, a thin line of smoke trailed upward, staining the sky."
    Where's this from?

  5. #25
    Rogue Mutt
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    Greenstein should know.

  6. #26
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    Heh heh. Figured as much.

  7. #27
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    Opening with a history lesson, talking about things the protagonist isn't paying attention to isn't story. If it matters to the porotagonist the reader will know it when it matters. But dumping crap on them and insisting that they memorize it is stupid because they will have forgotten by then.

    You have, on average, three pages to change a reader's mild curiosity into active interest. Fail that and they will stop reading. So in this case the entire three pages was wasted by informing instead of entertaining.

  8. #28
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    Here I am thinking I lack details and you're telling me I'm describing too much. Lol. I guess I'm trying to shape my writing based on the writing styles I enjoy the most although I know I have a long way to go. Thanks for the link, I'll check it out. Same for you Rogue Mutt, your link looks interesting. (http://unlikelyson.com/headfirst-into-the-crucible/)

    Robert Jordan is one of my favorite authors and some people say he goes into far too much detail when describing a scene or even certain characters or objects.

    I find myself wishing for more details in a lot of books even though they don't actually help the story along. I remember one story when a man entered a tower. That's all I knew about this tower...its a tower and he entered it. This really annoyed me. I would have liked to have had at least a little bit of a description although I do agree that too much will simply distract the reader from the story.

    I know what you mean about catching the reader's interest. I may struggle through the fist chapter, hoping the story will improve, but I will likely not return for the second if it has still not captured my interest.

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