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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Yorkshire, UK

    First Novel - Book Blurb - Feedback

    Hello all

    I would appreciate feedback on my blurb for my novel (which I found harder to write than the first chapter of my book - for some strange reason - I'm not that great at marketing and I suppose, a book blurb has to encourage the reader of it to want to open the book and read further).

    Many thanks for your help.

    Shy and vulnerable Regan Sheffield struggles to find her place amid the fast paced, dog-eat-dog world
    of the wealthy until her sixteenth birthday when everything changes.

    Sent away to an esteemed school for the elite, Regan must battle her demons and embrace her
    new found ability – a sacred power shared by some, coveted by others.

    In her search for understanding, Regan is swept into a social whirl of deceptive undertones
    by the promise of belonging; drawn towards the one boy with whom she feels connected.

    With his perfect face and brooding eyes, the self-assured Dax Al Nadir is everything she
    should avoid. He is dark to her light; the east to her west.

    Two people from opposing worlds are thrown together under terrifying circumstances
    where questions remain unanswered, secrets remain hidden and enemies become allies.

  2. #2
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Columbus, Ohio
    Too long, and pretty darn vague. You want to give the reader clear questions that can only be answered by reading the book. Something like this:

    Regan Sheffield just discovered she possesses a power, which enables her to claim the throne of Avigdon, but Chan Luk wants the throne for himself and marks her for death. Regan fears Chan Luk, but what of his great-nephew Dax Al Nadir? Regan is strangely drawn to the handsome, self-assured young man with the brooding eyes and thinks he finds her attractive too, but how can she be sure? Can she really love a man whose family wants her dead? And will he renounce the intentions of his family for love?

    I wrote it fast, but you get the idea. Heck, now that I look at it, even that might be too long.
    Last edited by John Oberon; 02-11-2016 at 07:50 AM.

  3. #3
    Rogue Mutt
    It's much too vague and generic. You have to at least say what power she has. That's something the reader wants to know. If you want some help figuring out what's important in your story, read this thread I wrote a while ago.

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Elkins Park PA
    It might help to visualize the trailer for the film version of the story, and write the voice over.

    Another thing is to focus on what the story is about. Not the plot, but the thing that drives the story and causes her to grow and change. It might be learning to trust, to overcome biases, to find love, or to be careful what you wish for.

    Other thoughts: It appears that the onset of the ability is what kicks off the story and changes things. If true, there is no reason to spend much time on her struggles before that point. So if that's only 3% of the prose, why devote a full paragraph here to unspecified problems? And why make the reader wonder what, about the life of a rich kid is more dog-eat-dog than life on the streets of the city?

    Tighten it up and focus on big ticket emotional issues. Tell the reader what the problem is, why only she can handle it, and what happens if she fails.

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