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  1. #21
    Rogue Mutt
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    It's on now Hahaha



  2. #22
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    Nah. Don't really care. I didn't critique her very hard. Just told her two general problems I saw off the top of my head. Jay said the same thing about the setting, about "time and space". Mine was just more pointed and specific, and I guess it hit a nerve. C'est la vie.
    Last edited by John Oberon; 11-04-2015 at 05:00 AM.

  3. #23
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    Yeah, no skin off your back, huh John?

  4. #24
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    Nope. I mean really...."Your dialogue's a bit stilted in places, and the words you choose clash with your setting; choose your words more carefully." What in the world is so offensive about that, particularly when it's true? Good grief, I'm glad I didn't tell her any more. She might've hung me in effigy, lol.

  5. #25
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    John Oberon - As a new fiction writer I came to Writers Net looking for constructive criticism. Thanks to a number of active members I found what I was looking for and I received thoughtful and informative comments. Your comments were poorly thought out, somewhat petulant and not at all helpful. I am not sure what your problem is .............. Maybe you had a bad day, who knows.
    Being critiqued hurts, especially when you were hoping for at least a, "But it sounds like a great story idea." But you've lost sight of the fact that someone who didn't have to, took time they didn't have to give you, to help you become a better writer. And your response was to complain that they didn't take the role of teacher and accept responsibility for your education.

    You've also lost sight of the fact that if someone could teach you what you need to be a writing pro in a post or two here, they wouldn't offer four year majors in professional fiction at the university. And we'd all be making lots of money with our writing.

    You were told the areas where he felt you needed to work. That was a service. It's not his job to teach you to write. And from your viewpoint you can't tell if his comment is accurate or not (it was). So the thing to do is to see what the pros have to say about that area of writing. Why? Because you know that their advice works, at least for them.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Isabella du Lac View Post

    ‘Your setting is pretty murky to say the least’ – murky? Just exactly what do you mean by that? Are you talking about the mist (lol) or the fact that she is staying in a hotel?

    Yes, this is a fantasy and therefore you must use your imagination. If I want to ‘modernise’ my fantasy novel and have hotels, P.R. men and talk about courts and mental cruelty etc – so what! If I want my transport system to be jet airplanes, witches brooms, or a Tardis, rather than horses, so what...
    What he means by 'murky' is 'not clear'.
    There's nothing wrong with a modernised setting for a fantasy novel. This feels like a hybrid of medieval concepts and modern concepts, which isn't wrong either, though harder to pull off.

    However if your opening could be interpreted as a medieval setting where you've been careless about picking word choices to match, then that could indicate you've not managed to convey your intended sense of setting. i.e. it's murky.
    If a jet airplane was somehow actually involved in this opening it would remove ambiguity as to whether the modern implications are intentional.
    Things like hotels and P.R men do have medieval equivalents. (inn and envoy might work as word choices in a medieval setting) so they don't necessarily go far enough in countering the presence of eunuchs, magicians and politically powerful noblemen.
    While I interpreted the modern elements as intentional, the fact that John didn't is something worth your while considering.
    That's something worth bearing in mind when listening to feedback on your writing. If you don't like someone's suggestion because they've misinterpreted what you're trying to do, you still should try and work out why they misinterpreted things in the first place. (and try not to start with the default answer that your reader is stupid.)

  7. #27
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    Hope you enjoyed yourself guys, please carry on without me.

  8. #28
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    Wow...just wow.

    Adieu.

  9. #29
    Rogue Mutt
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    She's been gone for over a week now.

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