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  1. #1
    Administrator cg admin's Avatar
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    Edges

    All right, since I joined in a conversation here, I might as well post something

    I've been writing poetry and prose for as long as I can remember. English is not my first language, although I mostly write in English. I've written under two different names over the years. One of my first published writes was Edges, a Terza Rima that I wrote back in 2005
    When it comes to poetry, I greatly prefer writing in form and meter.

    Edges

    Soft echoes tremble, touching walls of night,
    the single prints will tell she's come alone;
    her gown- a kiss of green on season's white.

    In moonbeam- tinctured snow she lifts a stone
    to smell the comfort forest soil supplies,
    she's silent- life drew edges words can't hone.

    While molding stars to fit the tapered skies
    she buries dying scents of past and yearns
    for laughter's fragrance, rich as edelweiss.

    When solitude enshrouds the trees, she learns
    that even clustered paths are bound to split
    and sudden folds in fate delay returns.

    The pearls of malachite once strung in crowns
    still match a smile each time the princess frowns.

    by Chris W. Copyright 2005-2015

  2. #2
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    I didn't see this poem.

    I think the form and meter are good and solid with the exception that the final couplet should probably rhyme with "split", but doesn't.

    As for the meaning, I don't really understand it. The best I can make of it is a woman takes a walk alone in the forest during winter. She wears no coat, but only a green gown, whether a night gown or a dress gown, I don't know. That would make a difference. My guess is she's contemplating some lost love whose path "split" from hers long ago, but she still harbors a hope he might return to her since fate can only "delay returns" and not prevent them. I really don't know.

    No clue about the meaning of the couplet. Pearl and malachite are two gemstones. I don't think you can have "pearls of malachite". Maybe change "pearls" to "beads". Malachite is green...it matches a smile? Ew. Other than that, I really have no idea what meaning you're trying to convey with that couplet.

    There's lots to admire in the form and meter, but the meaning falls way short in my opinion.

  3. #3
    Administrator cg admin's Avatar
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    The best I can make of it is a woman takes a walk alone in the forest during winter. She wears no coat, but only a green gown, whether a night gown or a dress gown, I don't know. That would make a difference. My guess is she's contemplating some lost love whose path "split" from hers long ago, but she still harbors a hope he might return to her since fate can only "delay returns" and not prevent them. I really don't know.
    You hit it spot on, wow!

    It's a Terza Rima with a twist, hence the non-rhyme with split, I broke a little out of the Terza Rima there.

    As for pearls, nice catch. Here is where my knowledge of English falls short for sure. (English is not my first language although I prefer it when writing poetry).

    The couplet: Malachite, when polished, shines nicely. I've been told before that I go too deep and it takes a little digging to get the meaning out

    Thanks for reading and commenting, John! I've learned a lot from comments over the years.

  4. #4
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    Well, if I nailed the meaning, it's a better poem than I initially thought, but still it seems like I really had to work to draw that meaning out of it, and as I said, I'm totally clueless about that last couplet. I think I might like to put this poem on my website...would you mind? I'll probably comment further on specific phrases.
    Last edited by John Oberon; 10-07-2015 at 06:49 PM.

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