HomeWritersLiterary AgentsEditorsPublishersResourcesDiscussion
Forum Login | Join the discussion
+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    5

    Gifted (YA Sci-Fi)

    Just got finished with my book. I've been getting some great feedback for my query letter so far and just want to get some more thoughts on it before sending it out. Any comments are appreciated.

    Dear Agent:

    When Max Cortez learned he could breathe underwater, the word “normal” fell right out of his vocabulary.

    Scared to be labeled a freak, he hid his talent for ten years. Now sixteen, Max learns he isn’t the only Gifted in the world and, unlike him, they’re not scared to show off what they can do. This Awakening prompts the government to pass the Gifted Act, which gives Gifted a place to hone their abilities. After his parents find out about his gift, and seeing the horror on their faces, Max decides to go. After all, it's only temporary, right? Like going away to college. He'll come back after a couple years and all will be forgiven...Wrong.

    Turns out the government lied about everything. The Director has decided to lock all Gifted up in The Cage where they're poked and prodded day in and day out.

    But being poked and prodded is the least of Max’s problems. Soon he will have to start making choices that weigh survival against humanity in the Director's most sadistic experiment yet—a fight to the death with his fellow Gifted.

    Complete at 77,000 words, GIFTED is a science fiction novel for young adults that will appeal to readers of Koushun Takami's BATTLE ROYALE and Brandon Sanderson’s STEELHEART. As per your submission guidelines, the first chapter is included below this email.

    Thank you very much for your time and attention.



  2. #2
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    5
    This is a new revision. Which one do you like better?


    Dear Agent:

    When Max Cortez learned he could breathe underwater, the word “normal” fell right out of his vocabulary.

    Scared to be labeled a freak, he hid his talent for ten years. Now sixteen, Max learns he isn’t the only Gifted in the world and, unlike him, they’re not scared to show off what they can do. This Awakening prompts the government to pass the Gifted Act, which gives Gifted a place to hone their abilities. After his parents find out about his gift, and seeing the horror on their faces, Max decides to go. After all, it's only temporary, right? Like going away to college. He'll come back after a couple years and all will be forgiven...Wrong.

    Turns out the government lied about everything. The Director has decided to lock all Gifted up in The Cage where they're poked and prodded day in and day out.

    But being a bona fide lab rat is the least of Max’s problems. The Director is forcing him to kill Kyro, a Gifted who possesses similar water abilities, and if Max doesn't he'll have to watch his parents die...and Kyro's little sister. Max, with his consent and promising him that he'll take care of his sister once he gets out, has no choice but to kill Kyro, and in doing so gains the ability to control water with his mind. This unexpected gift given to him by Kyro will come in handy because soon he will have to start making choices that weigh survival against humanity in the Director's most sadistic experiment yet—a fight to the death with his fellow Gifted.

    Now Max, intent on keeping his promise and seeing his parents again, must figure out how to use his new ability to escape The Cage and save everyone he holds dear to him...or die trying.

    Complete at 77,000 words, GIFTED is a science fiction novel for young adults that will appeal to readers of Koushun Takami's BATTLE ROYALE and Brandon Sanderson’s STEELHEART.

    Thank you very much for your time and attention.

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    5
    double post
    Last edited by writerdude; 02-02-2015 at 04:03 PM. Reason: accidental double post

  4. #4
    Rogue Mutt
    Guest
    They both seem too long. Really you should say, "Hey did you ever watch Heroes or the X-Men movies? Cuz it's like that."

  5. #5
    Administrator Wickett's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    662
    I don't see that they are really that long, but I will say that unless there's more to the story that you're not letting out right now, it does seem a bit generic. What is unique to this story?

  6. #6
    Senior Member Gilfindel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Dallas, TX
    Posts
    688
    I actually liked the first one slightly better, but both need work. You need to focus in on the key elements of your story: Who is the main character? What crisis is he involved in and why? What are the consequences if he's not successful? Get that sorted out and expressed clearly, and then you can flesh it out.

    The basic "evil government experimenting on people with unusual abilities" does seem very cliché. What makes your particular turn on it special and intriguing?

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts