HomeWritersLiterary AgentsEditorsPublishersResourcesDiscussion
Forum Login | Join the discussion
+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 10 of 10
  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    Middle Earth
    Posts
    16

    Wink Query: Clock Face Twelve (Steampunk YA)

    Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Kalen Holloway watches time slip away. She has waited years, weeks, hours, seconds for her 15th birthday—time’s an easy thing to keep in Oceanus, an underground world powered by clocks. Now a legal adult, she can leave the safety of Gear Train Five and search for her missing twin.

    Four years ago, Kalen’s orphanage burned to the ground. She lost contact with her twin as well as her surrogate brother and sister in the fire. Convinced her twin lives, Kalen enters the Free Lands to find her despite her friends’ concerns. A Twelfth Hour of Time’s Clock, Kalen can see the future—at least, impending death. Through eye contact, Kalen can tell if someone will die within the next twelve days. But her power comes with a price. It leaves her constantly cold, sick, and physically weak. Kalen can barely walk a mile without fainting, let alone run.

    Such physical limitations don’t let her get far. In the Free Lands, she stops at an inn to rest where a Hand—a henchman and assassin—tells her she must come with him to Clock Face Twelve. Thrown off her path and powerless to stop it, Kalen must follow the Hand to the place where her surrogate sister now rules. But Kalen cannot trust the girl who always feared and coveted Kalen’s powers.

    CLOCK FACE TWELVE, completed at 66,000 words, is a Young Adult Steampunk novel.

    I believe this story may appeal to you because [insert agents interests].

    I am majoring in English at the [Name of University]. I am an intern for Andrea Hurst and Rebecca Berus and work for the Creative Writing Institute as an editor and a writer. My short stories have won several contests, and Overruled: An Anthology published my short story, The Sworn Sword. I am currently soliciting multiple agents.

    The full manuscript is available upon request.

    Thank you for your time and consideration.

    Name
    Phone number
    Email

    -----

    Obviously, I need help with a hook. Also, this is a series, but I’m not sure how to put that in the query letter. The second book has a rough draft completed, and the last one I could start writing today, if I put my mind to it.

    Please post any questions you have about the world or titles. Suggestions are also welcome.



  2. #2
    Rogue Mutt
    Guest
    Your second paragraph is really where the query starts.

    Quote Originally Posted by Baka_Alchemist View Post
    Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Kalen Holloway watches time slip away. She has waited years, weeks, hours, seconds for her 15th birthday—time’s an easy thing to keep in Oceanus, an underground world powered by clocks. Now a legal adult, she can leave the safety of Gear Train Five and search for her missing twin.

    Four years ago, Kalen’s orphanage burned to the ground. She lost contact with her twin as well as her surrogate brother and sister in the fire. Convinced her twin lives, Kalen enters the Free Lands to find her despite her friends’ concerns. A Twelfth Hour of Time’s Clock, Kalen can see the future—at least, impending death. Through eye contact, Kalen can tell if someone will die within the next twelve days. But her power comes with a price. It leaves her constantly cold, sick, and physically weak. Kalen can barely walk a mile without fainting, let alone run.

    Such physical limitations don’t let her get far. In the Free Lands, she stops at an inn to rest where a Hand—a henchman and assassin—tells her she must come with him to Clock Face Twelve. Thrown off her path and powerless to stop it, Kalen must follow the Hand to the place where her surrogate sister now rules. But Kalen cannot trust the girl who always feared and coveted Kalen’s powers.

    CLOCK FACE TWELVE, completed at 66,000 words, is a Young Adult Steampunk novel.

    I believe this story may appeal to you because [insert agents interests].

    I am majoring in English at the [Name of University]. I am an intern for Andrea Hurst and Rebecca Berus and work for the Creative Writing Institute as an editor and a writer. My short stories have won several contests, and Overruled: An Anthology published my short story, The Sworn Sword. I am currently soliciting multiple agents.

    The full manuscript is available upon request.

    Thank you for your time and consideration.

    Name
    Phone number
    Email

    -----

    Obviously, I need help with a hook. Also, this is a series, but I’m not sure how to put that in the query letter. The second book has a rough draft completed, and the last one I could start writing today, if I put my mind to it.

    Please post any questions you have about the world or titles. Suggestions are also welcome.

  3. #3
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    3,063
    Quote Originally Posted by Rogue Mutt View Post
    Your second paragraph is really where the query starts.
    Agree. And don't tell the agent why he should be interested in your book. Just write the story concisely and well and let the agent decide. Hopefully, you've already done some research on the agent and determined that your story is his cup of tea. If he doesn't like your story, no amount of telling him why he should will change his mind, so just write a good story in your query.

    I'd also remove the stuff about your job and the anthology and the contests and soliciting multiple agents. Focus on your story. The only time you want to include your occupation or education is if it has a direct bearing on the content and credibility of your book, for example, you're a psychiatrist with a PhD specializing in alcoholism and your book is about beating alcoholism.

    66K is a little low.
    Last edited by John Oberon; 12-22-2014 at 04:33 AM.

  4. #4
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    Middle Earth
    Posts
    16
    Thanks for all the advice, guys (ladies?)!

  5. #5
    Senior Member Gilfindel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Dallas, TX
    Posts
    688
    Quote Originally Posted by Baka_Alchemist View Post
    Thanks for all the advice, guys (ladies?)!
    Near as we can tell, they're both male, but it is the Internet, after all ;-)

  6. #6
    Administrator Wickett's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    662
    Quote Originally Posted by Gilfindel View Post
    Near as we can tell, they're both male, but it is the Internet, after all ;-)
    I question John. His name is... mysterious.

  7. #7
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    3,063
    I'm so masculine, I make Schwarzenegger look like a girl.

  8. #8
    Administrator Wickett's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    662
    Quote Originally Posted by John Oberon View Post
    I'm so masculine, I make Schwarzenegger look like a girl.
    Impressive, but still a few billion notches below Chuck Norris.

  9. #9
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    Middle Earth
    Posts
    16
    Good Lord, what happened? Here I thought John might be the girl, which is why I put that in the first place. My mistake. Sorry boys. The confusion must come from the Manga fan in me. Sometimes authors won't even tell you a character's gender. o.o Or the Fool from Robin Hobb. Anyone else love that character? (just wondering, sorry for being random)

  10. #10
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    5
    Quote Originally Posted by Baka_Alchemist View Post
    Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Kalen Holloway watches time slip away. She has waited years, weeks, hours, seconds for her 15th birthday—time’s an easy thing to keep in Oceanus, an underground world powered by clocks. Now a legal adult, she can leave the safety of Gear Train Five and search for her missing twin.

    Four years ago, Kalen’s orphanage burned to the ground. She lost contact with her twin as well as her surrogate brother and sister in the fire. Convinced her twin lives, Kalen enters the Free Lands to find her despite her friends’ concerns. A Twelfth Hour of Time’s Clock, Kalen can see the future—at least, impending death. Through eye contact, Kalen can tell if someone will die within the next twelve days. But her power comes with a price. It leaves her constantly cold, sick, and physically weak. Kalen can barely walk a mile without fainting, let alone run.

    Such physical limitations don’t let her get far. In the Free Lands, she stops at an inn to rest where a Hand—a henchman and assassin—tells her she must come with him to Clock Face Twelve. Thrown off her path and powerless to stop it, Kalen must follow the Hand to the place where her surrogate sister now rules. But Kalen cannot trust the girl who always feared and coveted Kalen’s powers.

    CLOCK FACE TWELVE, completed at 66,000 words, is a Young Adult Steampunk novel.

    I believe this story may appeal to you because [insert agents interests].

    I am majoring in English at the [Name of University]. I am an intern for Andrea Hurst and Rebecca Berus and work for the Creative Writing Institute as an editor and a writer. My short stories have won several contests, and Overruled: An Anthology published my short story, The Sworn Sword. I am currently soliciting multiple agents.

    The full manuscript is available upon request.

    Thank you for your time and consideration.

    Name
    Phone number
    Email

    -----

    Obviously, I need help with a hook. Also, this is a series, but I’m not sure how to put that in the query letter. The second book has a rough draft completed, and the last one I could start writing today, if I put my mind to it.

    Please post any questions you have about the world or titles. Suggestions are also welcome.

    I think it's a really good premise. Very intriguing. I agree with John--the 2nd paragraph is where your hook lies. Just delete the first paragraph and you're good to go.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts