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  1. #11
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    Well, from the distance of a 4-hour spaceship ride, I would expect a planet's color to indicate its atmosphere, not its foliage...but to each his own.

    I didn't notice that you were Craig of that St. John's business. Your writing is still incoherent. I really don't know how you fix something like that. It's more of a thinking problem than a writing problem. No offense intended.



  2. #12
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    I can't begrudge you your opinion. Half the time I feel pretty much the same. The other half of the time I get pressured by the promise I made to someone who believed I could do it. Perchance I was a fool to make that promise but it wasn't the first time I was a fool and I doubt it will be the last. All I can say is that I try very hard to fulfill the promises I have made, even though it hurts to do it.

  3. #13
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    Well, I hope you can fulfill your promises. I think you would do well to find yourself a writing partner. You don't seem to exhibit any difficulties coming up with ideas, and you certainly don't seem afraid of work. Your weakness, in my opinion, is organizing all those ideas into a coherent story. You're blind in that area, and you need someone to guide you. Find a logical, analytical person willing to work with you on your writing, someone who can see when you veer off track in a story and when you need to supply pertinent information. You strike me as a "big picture" kind of person; find a detail person. The literary world is filled with writing teams, you know.

  4. #14
    Rogue Mutt
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    Quote Originally Posted by John Oberon View Post
    Well, I hope you can fulfill your promises. I think you would do well to find yourself a writing partner. You don't seem to exhibit any difficulties coming up with ideas, and you certainly don't seem afraid of work. Your weakness, in my opinion, is organizing all those ideas into a coherent story. You're blind in that area, and you need someone to guide you. Find a logical, analytical person willing to work with you on your writing, someone who can see when you veer off track in a story and when you need to supply pertinent information. You strike me as a "big picture" kind of person; find a detail person. The literary world is filled with writing teams, you know.
    Hiring a ghost writer would be more efficient.

  5. #15
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rogue Mutt View Post
    Hiring a ghost writer would be more efficient.
    But pretty unlikely for fiction unless you have some sort of name recognition or big money.

  6. #16
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    You should start a new paragraph after every new speaker.

    Also, I agree that this is an info dump and you are using the dialogue to basically do the job you should be doing "outside" the talking by setting the scene. Instead of telling us through the speakers, show us the characters. Step back from them as if we were looking down at them or observing from a spot a little distance away.

    Reading a whole page of dialogue with no let up is tiring and frankly boring. You can easily change this.

    DW

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