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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
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    12

    Query Letter: Keep Faith

    Hello Everyone!

    Hope everyone is doing well .

    Below is one of the query letters I've written for my realistic young adult story, Keep Faith. I'll post the other one on a different thread.

    The first paragraph would be personalized for each specific agent; incorporating something they mention on their website, etc.

    I'd highly appreciate any constructive advice/feedback . Thanks in advance!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Dear [Agent’s Name],

    Death will end it; garnering the strength to endure is life.

    In reference to your search for a young adult novel that addresses life issues relevant to today’s teens, I would like to offer my project, Keep Faith, for your representation.

    Faith Lane is the only girl at her high school who could shoot three pointers on the basketball court – in a skirt – the bookworm who enjoys paintballing. Faith has it all. A wardrobe most girls would kill for, an I.Q most people wish for, Tiffany – the best friend any girl could ask for – a luxurious home, a loving albeit eccentric family, an unwavering faith.

    And recurring thoughts of suicide.

    Drowning under everyone’s expectations, Faith flirts with suicide and nearly loses everything she holds dear. On her journey of recovery, Faith learns to believe in herself and her gift of dance, and experiences the joys and pains of first love with Alex Caputo, a quirky senior who has a mysterious secret of his own.

    Just as Faith finds footing, her head is forced back under by the guilt and grief of an irrevocable loss; shutting out everyone and everything, especially dance. With the unbending support of her loyal family and friends, Faith fights to get her world right side up and restore her faith in life.

    At times light and witty, others emotional and raw, Keep Faith is an inspiring story of cultivating courage from deep recesses in healing equally deep wounds and keeping faith even when enveloped in a daunting void of hopelessness.

    One reader of Keep Faith found the themes of discovering strength and triumph in the face of acceptable failure comparable to Dreamland and Lock and Key.

    If interested, I’d love to send you the completed manuscript.

    Thank you very much for your time and I look forward to future correspondence.


    Best,
    K.P Gazelle

    TITLE: Keep Faith
    GENRE: Realistic Young Adult
    WORD COUNT: 88,959



  2. #2
    Rogue Mutt
    Guest
    "Death will end it; garnering the strength to endure is life. "

    Is that a quote from your book? It shouldn't be the start of your query.

    "who could shoot three pointers on the basketball court – in a skirt –"

    What?

    "Just as Faith finds footing, her head is forced back under by the guilt and grief of an irrevocable loss; shutting out everyone and everything, especially dance"

    That should be "she shuts out everyone and everything, especially dance." You have a lot of junk in there, like the last four paragraphs. Do some research online to see how to properly phrase that.

    So basically your idea of a "realistic" story is a talented, overachieving, privileged kid tries to commit suicide? Your description of Faith Lane makes her seem like poor little rich girl, which is really not that appealing, at least to me. Others may feel differently. Good luck.

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    12
    Quote Originally Posted by Rogue Mutt View Post
    "Death will end it; garnering the strength to endure is life. "

    Is that a quote from your book? It shouldn't be the start of your query.

    "who could shoot three pointers on the basketball court – in a skirt –"

    What?

    "Just as Faith finds footing, her head is forced back under by the guilt and grief of an irrevocable loss; shutting out everyone and everything, especially dance"

    That should be "she shuts out everyone and everything, especially dance." You have a lot of junk in there, like the last four paragraphs. Do some research online to see how to properly phrase that.

    So basically your idea of a "realistic" story is a talented, overachieving, privileged kid tries to commit suicide? Your description of Faith Lane makes her seem like poor little rich girl, which is really not that appealing, at least to me. Others may feel differently. Good luck.
    Hi Rogue,

    Thank you so much for your feedback!

    1. The first line isn't a direct quote from the story. It's meant to be a tag line of sorts. I saw something similar on a few successful queries and thought to try it out.

    2. Yes. That's the thing about Faith. She's super girly in the sense that she always wears skirts and dresses, but also has this athletic side; being able to shoot three pointers while still wearing a skirt.

    3. Thank you for the correction!

    4. Yes. Faith is a talented, overachieving, rich girl. But I guess, what I don't mention in the query is that she's also heavily bullied for her conservative upbringing and unusual clothing (long dresses and skirts even on the hottest days), which is what leads her to suicidal thoughts. Plus, the overall unreasonable pressure from her parents.

    So, I'm thinking this approach isn't working lol. Maybe I should include some aspects of the bullying into the query to make readers more sympathetic towards Faith. Are the ideas of the last four paragraphs good, but just needing reworking?

    I still have the other one that I'll post soon.

    Once again, thanks for the honest feedback. It's appreciated .

    Best,
    K.P Gazelle

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