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Thread: Interabang?!

  1. #1
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    Exclamation Interabang?!

    The last sentence is the narrator's. She is questioning the meaning of a character's exclamation. What is proper punctuation. The sentence is a question after all.


    My concern wasnít Nickís sistersí safety. I canít say I would have minded terribly if someone did shoot themónot him though! Fearing now for his safety, I didnít know what to do. I didnít want to call the police because the gun probably wasnít licensed. What did Nick mean, ďIím at my limit!Ē



  2. #2
    Senior Member Gilfindel's Avatar
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    I reasonably certain there should be a question mark after the final quotation mark.

  3. #3
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    Yep, question mark at the end...but I'd probably re-word it to avoid that string of punctation.

    I didn't like all the negatives in this little snippet. You tell what doesn't concern her, what she wouldn't have minded, that she didn't know what to do, and who she didn't want to call. Some negatives are OK, but doesn't this character do ANYTHING? Also substitute "his" for "Nick's" to eliminate that double possessive. So something like this:

    His sisters' safety was unimportant; a few bullets would improve their personalities - but not Nick. I pondered the next move. With the gun probably unlicensed, the police were out. What did Nick mean he was "at his limit"?

    You use 54 words, I use 39. You use four "I's" and one "my" to refer to the narrator, I use one "I". You describe what isn't, I describe what is. Your narrator appears kind of helpless against circumstances, mine appears to want to manipulate circumstances to her advantage.

    Of course, a realize my style is more hardboiled, almost noir, but you re-write it in your style with those changes in mind. That's my two cents.

  4. #4
    Rogue Mutt
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    Like John I'd try to avoid that construction.

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