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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
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    4

    Your love feels like

    Lost at sea
    with my a hole in my boat and me unable to swim,
    waiting my turn at drown.

    That's what waiting for your love feels like.

    I have a lifeboat but I am still waiting my turn because death with you is much more beautiful than a floating away on that lifeboat.

  2. #2
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
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    3,063
    Well, again, just prose. Nothing really poetic about this language. You use two metaphors, a boat with a hole and a lifeboat. No clue what the lifeboat symbolizes. So waiting to drown in a sinking boat is what waiting for this person's love is like, ey? That situation would entail a lot of doubt and fear. I guess you don't hold much hope of actually receiving the person's love, and you're pretty miserable about it. Or...the attainment of that love might be disasterous for you, yet you feel helpless under your emotion. Kind of a tone of resignation.

    But then you say you're with this person. So this person is either unable or unwilling to give you love even though you are with him/her. That "death with you" could mean a multitude of things.

    It's simply too vague to squeeze any real meaning out of it. You need to inject a little more clarity into it, and definitely take a little more care with your wording. Pretty glaring mistakes there.
    Last edited by John Oberon; 07-31-2013 at 08:36 AM.

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