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  1. #1
    Junior Member
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    Jul 2013
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    full

    We were once so full.
    Full of each other - full of nothing but each other.

    But now we are nothing.
    You are filled with nothing
    while I am still full of you.

    What happens to love with time? Why does it leave us so empty?
    Empty and full.
    Full of you, empty because of you.



  2. #2
    Junior Member
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    There was no imagery or emotion for me while I read this.

  3. #3
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    I think you have a good idea executed poorly. I like the paradox, but there's no language, no metaphor...in short, no poetry. You need clever language, or biting mental images, or gripping comparisons to things in life anyone can relate to. You know, extreme paradoxes like this always lend themselves to fun language. as in country music. Like:

    I am still full of you,
    But you've had your fill of me.

    or

    You turned my storeroom of love
    into a dumpster of misery.

    Lol, but I suppose you're after something more serious. If I were you, I'd cast about for an apt metaphor - actual things that are filled and emptied - like gas tanks, drink glasses, dumpsters, a plate, a bag, a wallet. Then I'd work that into a poem. Right now, you've got prose minced to look like a poem.

    Take the wallet - it can be filled with or emptied of money. You can either earn the money, find the money, or it can be given to you. The money can be real or counterfeit. It can be domestic or foreign. You can spend the money, lose the money, or have it stolen from you. You can be fabulously wealthy, just comfortable with what you need, or bankrupt. Doesn't all that and many more things suggest to you all kinds of comparisons to a love relationship?
    Last edited by John Oberon; 07-30-2013 at 04:30 AM.

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