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  1. #1
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    Arrow First Draft Query Letter

    “We could be so happy if you would only let my family control our marriage.”

    Spouses from dysfunctional families never actually utter these words aloud to a mate. Yet because they are raised in families comprised of members addicted to abusing or being abused by each other, that thought lurks behind their every action.

    Nick Cisighi is charming and dynamic, a powerful figure in the rough and tumble world of New York City’s construction unions. No one intimidates him but his three older sisters. He already has one failed marriage, brought about by his wife’s refusal to be controlled by his family’s interference. In total denial about what ruined that relationship, when he falls in love with Carla, he marries again and the process starts to repeat itself.

    Nick, is a little nuts; Carla, the narrator, a little neurotic. She is also incapable of understanding the dynamic into which she has married. TOUGH, my first novel is a family saga with some dark comedy. Nick marries twice. Each woman soon learns that the legal proceeding she thought was a wedding ceremony, Nick considered an adoption into the Cisighi family. With sex!

    After retiring from technical writing I have worked on this novel and a memoir about growing up in post WWII New York City. I have written a collection of short stories, one of which I entered into a contest. It was entitled, A MARTINI IN NEWPORT and won first prize in that city’s magazine.

    I am married and currently split my time between Rhode Island and Annapolis, Maryland.



  2. #2
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    Right off, delete the first two paragraphs. Sounds like you're hawking a non-fiction book on abuse.

  3. #3
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    I agree with John.

    Your Q sounds like a non-fiction pitch.

    For this reader it's not even a Q. Take another crack at it. Before doing so, read about how Qs are constructed.

    For instance, do you think your dream agent will be breathless at the revelation that you're married and splitting your time between Rhode Island and Annapolis?

    By now you may be angry. If you are, get over it. Writing is a difficult task. Penning an engaging Q is a whole 'nuther matter. Honest critique will help you along the way.

    Hope this is useful.

    Cur

  4. #4
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    No, not angry. That would be counterproductive to submitting this for review. Just thinking I honestly don't know how to do it better. But will keep trying.

    Thanks.

  5. #5
    Rogue Mutt
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    Quote Originally Posted by BookWerm View Post
    No, not angry. That would be counterproductive to submitting this for review. Just thinking I honestly don't know how to do it better. But will keep trying.

    Thanks.
    As is often said, go to sites like agentquery or query shark and learn about how to write a query.

  6. #6
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    Query

    Quote Originally Posted by Rogue Mutt View Post
    As is often said, go to sites like agentquery or query shark and learn about how to write a query.
    Rogue--I've been, especially Molli Nickell.

    I thought this was formula. Some kind of hook.

    Small synopsis.

    Project description. Short bio.

  7. #7
    Rogue Mutt
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    There are formulas within the formula. Like the formula for the hook would be like: When Carla meets Nick, she's swept off her feet, but soon she discovers she's gotten a lot more in the bargain.

    Besides Nick, she also gets his three annoying sisters. Blah blah blah, etc. etc. I don't know the plot details of your story.

    TOUGH is an x-number word family saga.

    I recently retired after x-years as a technical writer. My short story collection A MARTINI IN NEWPORT won first prize in the [newspaper name].

    That's pretty much the traditional format.

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