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Thread: Help please?

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
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    Help please?

    I studied some basic sentence structure and, I think I have got part of this right, tell me what you think.


    Brian layed back on a uncomfortable cheap bench. Stareing out the window of a public lounge, He saw a array of magnificent stars and interstellar clouds. The beauty of
    space continuously baffled him. Sometimes the feeling of majesty the void gave off, made him think that there could be a god. What foolish thinking if a marshal just
    caught one odor of treachery, he would surely be put in one of the Inpierms rigorous reeducation camps. Brian shook the thought throughing himself upwards out of the
    seat, standing above it he gazed at his newly fited officers uniform. He was so proud that he was a commissioned officer at the age of 23, That allmost broke records, exspecially since
    he didn't have connections in the military to get him here. He departed this morning from his post at fort Chillwind however that was planet side and now was on a shuttle heading for his new assignment. On the newly christened carrier The Chameleon.
    Last edited by jesus234; 02-28-2013 at 09:19 AM.



  2. #2
    Rogue Mutt
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    Thats awsome. your reddy to begun quarrying agnts now!

  3. #3
    Senior Member
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    684
    Jesus. The sentence structure isn't too bad. Punctuation and misspellings are killing you though.

    Quote Originally Posted by jesus234 View Post
    Brian layed (laid) back on a uncomfortable cheap bench. Stareing (staring) out the window of a public lounge, He (he) saw an array of magnificent stars and interstellar clouds. The beauty of
    space continuously baffled him. Sometimes the feeling of majesty the void gave off, (I'd remove the comma, some might not) made him think that there could be a god( ; I would use a semicolon here to combine two closely related thoughts--though that's subjective and others may disagree) what foolish thinking(,) if a marshal
    caught (just)one odor of treachery, (Brian) I'd use Brian's name instead of he to avoid confusion)[/I]would surely be put in one of the Inpierms rigorous reeducation camps. Brian shook the thought (,) throughing throwing)himself upwards out of the
    seat (.) I'd end the sentence here Standing above it he gazed at his newly fit(t)ed officers uniform. He was so proud that he was a commissioned officer at the age of 23, (t)hat allmost (almost or nearly)broke records, exspecially (especially) since
    he didn't have connections in the military to get him here. He (had)departed this morning from his post at fort Chillwind (, or ;however, that was planet side, and now (he)was on a shuttle heading for his new assignment no period needed here and no capital O on the newly christened carrier, The Chameleon.
    It's not too bad if English isn't your first language or you're not well-grounded in punctuation and spelling. Good luck!!!
    Last edited by The Tinman; 02-28-2013 at 05:50 PM.

  4. #4
    Member Lawrence Tabak's Avatar
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    Leveling

    I'm praying this is a level.

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