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  1. #1
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    A more traditional query for St. JOHNS

    Gentle Readers

    Duval County Sheriff Harlan Lewis put on his poker face and crossed his arms. His head leaned back slightly and a squint crossed his eyes. If life was simple he could just arrest the guy that had just come in the door. Nobody finds a floating body one day and then claims to have his employee kidnapped two days later without having something to do with it.

    Life isnít that simple though. His favored deputy and the FDLE lady both vouched for him and his background check only had a few hundred pages of FBI file listed. Even though FBI files are inconsequential Harlan had called. He was given straight to the Special Agent in Charge and was told to listen when he spoke. Justin Thomas had volunteered his fingerprints and DNA. The lady with him is from DHS and she is nodding yes to what he says. Harlan gets told that the man he has trusted for years is not only the killer of boaters; he has a habit of mutilating young women and might be a terrorist.

    Harlanís doubts faded some when they found the surprise in the hunting cabin. His doubt was gone completely by the next day.

    ST. JOHNS is a completed 68000 word mystery/thriller.

    Thank you for you time and consideration



  2. #2
    Rogue Mutt
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    A squint crossed his eyes?

    This still makes no sense. Just stop and actually research queries already. You're way out of your depth here.

  3. #3
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    No no no!!! You're just not listening to anything anyone tells you!!

    Just stop posting these. You're wasting yours and everyone else's time.

    Read lots of queries for goodness sake. You are NOT writing a query. Until you accept that you'll never nail this.

    Debbi

  4. #4
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    Please accept my apologies, I had something else on my mind and didn't even mean to post that.

    I wanted to post this. Thanks in advance

    Justin Thomas had recently started an environmental company. With two new contracts up near Putnam County he packed up his boat and newest employee to start on them. One job was for an algae problem on the St. Johns River and the other was a pre-demolition pollutant survey for an abandoned facility. Something unsavory was cooking in bucolic Putnam County though.

    On the first day Justin pulled a body out of the river. His employee found news articles of three others while researching in the library. The second day at the old facility his employee goes missing. With her recovery comes even more unsettling discoveries. Justin believes the semi-heroic former Sheriff is the villain but he is a friend of many local cops. A Florida Department of Law Enforcement Agent has faith in Justin and finds many things out about the former Sheriff except why he is hanging around. The reason he is hanging around turns out to a dirty bomb he built in that abandoned facility. The pot boils over when terrorists show up to collect the bomb.

    ST. JOHNS is a completed 68000 word mystery/thriller.

    Thank you for you time and consideration

  5. #5
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    Craig:

    Go here: agentquery.com

    And here:

    http://queryshark.blogspot.com/

    Take time to read on both these sites. Then take even more time to write a query for your book. Then post it here.

  6. #6
    Rogue Mutt
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    Ha, we already told him to go to both of those. Try to keep up, Simon. lol.

  7. #7
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    Actually, Craig, I kinda sorta understand the story a LITTLE bit with that last post. Maybe use that as your lump of clay and start molding.

  8. #8
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    Daphne Flowers is the FDLE’s top forensic accountant. She had been asking her boss for a murder or something to break up the endless stream of scammers and Ponzi Schemers. His phone call informed her that she would get her wish. She would get to investigate a possible series of murders along the St. Johns River.

    Her investigation is kicked off by a man’s body recently pulled from the River. It was the first of five similar floaters to be identifiable. She is forced to modify her assumptions when two of her friends go missing from a jobsite. She was waiting for dawn so she could follow the trail when she finds a serial killer’s memento box that raises the stakes for the investigation. Daphne is forced to add sixteen women and three more boaters to her list. She also found IEDs and explosives boxes that make her consider adding the terrorist tag to the serial killer tag.

    Daphne checks and for any terrorist chatter focused on the area. She learns that there is some though who and why are not known, when is deemed imminent. When Daphne’s investigation centers on the former Sheriff of Putnam County some things fall into place. Questions grow around why the Sheriff had returned to the area at this particular time. When boats launch from a yacht that the Coast Guard is watching, things escalate faster than the police can keep up with.


    ST. JOHNS is a completed 69000 word mystery/thriller.

    Thank you for your time and consideration

  9. #9
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    Thud, thud, thud....

  10. #10
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    What the...where'd Daphne Flowers come from? I...you know, I stick with my initial advice - forget the query, work on your book. I don't think you have any grasp whatsoever on your story.

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