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  1. #11
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    Aug 2010
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    Columbus, Ohio
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    I...well, I don't really know how to respond to that. I was operating under the assumption that you were basically normal, but just had difficulty writing your thoughts in a coherent fashion. If that's the case, breaking down the scene and rebuilding it as I suggested might help you. But if you have psychiatric problems, and writing is some sort of therapy for you, then I'm not sure my critique of your writing is very useful or appropriate. Perhaps you should disregard my comments.



  2. #12
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
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    684
    Mockingbird. Well, I'm a little confused now, since I don't know if this story is supposed to be a comedy, YA, or adult traditional horror. So, I'm just going to say I agree with most of what the other posters said, and I think John's advice to strip the story to it's most basic before beginning again is a good idea. Good luck!!!

  3. #13
    Junior Member
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    Nov 2012
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    Thanks Guys, especially John. When the story gets into the asylum, all will be revealed like a psychiatric mystery except the puzzle is an illusion and the pieces don't fit. John, your critique was fine and I am going to do some of what you mentioned. Tinman, the story is a blend of dark humor from Lucien's POV, Gothic romance from the female vampire's POV and mind detective from her lover's POV. A mix of adult and horror. I now know where to start - Start as the woman staggers down the lane - we don't who she is, why she's in such a state and more importantly we don't know she's a vampire until I intro Lucien. Thanks again guys for putting me on the right track. My depression problems vary in intensity, but this writing stuff does help. It helped Stephen King when he was almsot killed by a hit and run.

  4. #14
    Junior Member
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    Nov 2012
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    Psychiatric mystery?!? I'm intrigued. I look forward to the revisions...

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