Oh, that is AWFUL, isn't it? I neglected to delete that "have". Good grief, lol. Can't even follow my own writing principles.
Oh, that is AWFUL, isn't it? I neglected to delete that "have". Good grief, lol. Can't even follow my own writing principles.
Last edited by John Oberon; 08-03-2012 at 11:14 AM.
Hee hee. I love it. You're human. Thanks for letting me tease you!![]()
Maxine,
I've been biting at the bit, for almost three weeks, seething at this. I know I'm supposed to be getting male meets femme --who rocks his world -- at bar, but the only thing I'm left with is the impression of an intoxicated female who's had one too many harlequin novels on the rocks. Uh Bartender, I'll have some of what she's having.
Please tell me your protagonist is either British or an 18th century vampire, long since weary of a monotonous world he returns to every hundred years, because even the drab world isn't as tepid as the inside of his boring casket! Nothing screams female, trying to sound like male, insert--baritone--voice--I--need--to-kill-something, than descriptions such as melons, stiff hard-ons, or man sticks. Had I been reading that in a store, I might have chucked it across the store isle, or bought it and used it for kindling the next time I needed a fire. Males never refer to their genitalia this way. Perhaps in gest, but not seriously.I could feel her vibrations in the air, which told me that she was a woman of Strength and Candor.
We wish to God we were as big overcompensating behemoth, or were as ripped as A-list celebrity with women to throw away, but guys do not silently pray for strength!I kept my eyes closed and my head tilted down, praying silently for every ounce of strength.
What Century is this written in? No 20th century male is going to refer to sexual act as ravishment. In fact, the only time I've seen that world used is in the context of rape; a certain scene from Gladiator comes to mind. Maybe "take" her, or give it to her like there's no tomorrow, but I think ravish is too strong a verb when she wants him, and his blood is rushing to other places.My thoughts were to ravish her right there and then
I'm almost positive that:
could be written as: She continued to grind against my legs and rub against my erection, or something similar. Do girls refer to their anatomy as their engorged member?She continued to hold me down, grind against my legs and rub up against my already excited and fully erect member.
Shouldn't we be saying that?The sexual communication was all done in silence.
Classy, erotic and mind-blowing.
Last edited by Author Pendragin; 12-06-2012 at 11:38 AM.