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  1. #1
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    Forbidden Taboos of Men and Women (Adult Content)

    I'm submitting my work for critique. Thanks to those that do. Here are the first 3 parts:


    Leather and Lace (by Maxine Dominique)



    (Part One)


    It was getting late and I was bored. The last thing I remember doing prior to falling under her spell, was opening my wallet to pay the bartender. Her sensous scent over took me, even before she entered the lounge. I tried my best to ignore the aroma of her flavor, but to no avail!
    I found myself salavating as my thoughts became focused on finding out who owned such an exotic scent.

    I looked up at the bartender and saw that he was staring at someone with his mouth open.
    It was enough that I saw the reflection of a curvacious woman in the mirror, wearing Black Leather and Lace.
    I did not turn around. Instead, I sniffed the air and closed my eyes.

    It was the longest moment of life, as her scent continued to fill me. The electricity grew more intense as she got closer. I could feel her vibrations in the air, which told me that she was a woman of Strength and Candor.

    I was somewhat prepared to lay my eyes on her, but not completely. The next 30 seconds would prove to be lethal towards what I called my manhood. I kept my eyes closed and my head tilted down, praying silently for every ounce of strength. If only, I had paid the bill 5 minutes earlier!

    " I'd like Belvedere and my ice crushed please." she said with authority.
    Those words and that voice...
    Such strength with a delicate persuasion.
    I could sense her looking at me, perusing over the manly attributes that she sat beside.
    All the while, knowing that she can't see the control that she has already taken from me!

    I made the decision to open my eyes and accept my fate.
    What I saw was enough to last a life time. Long, dark and waivy hair, I could get lost in!
    Her form was perfectly wrapped in leather and just enough lace to drive any man or woman crazy!
    Intense sexuality to make every man crumble at her feet. I must have studied every curve of her body right down to her leather-laced stilletos...

    She was busy with her phone when she noticed me staring at her. She looked over at me and smiled as if she knew, what I already knew. I did my best to hide my fear and excitement by turning away.
    She did not say a word to me at first. I got myself composed and grabbed my jacket.
    She took advantage of the moment by pushing a drink towards me.
    " Try it, Belvedere with ice crushed! " she said softly but emphasized on the 'ice crushed.'

    I had no choice but to do as she said. " Thank you. It's good with Ice Crushed. " I replied shyly.
    She leaned over and looked deeply into my eyes, as if trying to read my thoughts.
    " I like you! Come with me by the piano. I will tell the pianist to play my favorite song and we will dance together. " she said, grabbing my wrist to lead me where she wanted. I felt so permissive that I gave her the control as though I was still a young boy.

    I had no idea what her name was and knew nothing about her, except that She was my Delight!
    She motioned for me to finish my drink and then led me to the dance floor.
    The song was called " Suddenly, you're In-Love" by Billy Ocean

    I felt awkward and she knew it. She took both my hands and placed them properly where they needed to be. She slowly moved her hips while staring deeply into my eyes, enveloping me with her magnetic presence. All of my senses were hightened and this Femme Fatale is now my Kryptonite .
    She kept staring into my eyes while I kept smelling her. She seemed content with it and so was I!

    Once the pianist finished, the regular DJ came on and I saw her slip a white note into his hands.
    We continued dancing with no music "Just one more song okay?" she whispered sofltly into my ears.
    "Which song?" I asked, as if I cared. "In between the sheets" by the Isley Brothers.
    What could this all mean? I wanted to ask her name, but the eye contact was so strong and alluring to me, there was no way I was going to break the seductive silence, we were both enjoying!

    After the music was over, she grabbed my hand softly this time, and whispered into my ears...
    "Tonight is our night! I have a suite upstairs and you are coming!"

    (Part Two)

    I let her lead me by the hand and once again, I felt like a little boy in a man's body just waiting for the Unexpected to happen. I watched how she walked and the way her hair slightly bounced. Her manerism exuded sensuality through and through. It was difficult to keep my composure.
    Less than an hour ago, I was just a lonely guy, who had a mundane job that I hated and friends I didn't care to be around with.
    Now, I am being led by the hand of my 'Dream Girl' that is also my Kryptonite.

    I am nervous to be near her. I feel inadequate but too damn excited to quit now! We are getting closer to her suite and I can feel my muscles getting tighter. The aroma of sensuality has now been replaced with fear-biting tension. I wonder what her desires are and why she picked me?

    "It's only appropriate for the gentleman to open the door for the lady..." she said, as she handed me the key.
    I proceeded to open the door, and to my surprise... She swiftly moved us through the entry, slammed the door and said " It maybe a man's job to open the door, but it's the woman's job to close it" in a naughty, playful tone.
    Once again, I felt frozen as she walked away. With a thousand different possibilities running through my mind, how could I cope with thought of disappointing her? I guess there's only one way to find out!

    "Are you Coming? or do I have to Come and Fetch you?" she said teasingly, with her sexy voice.

    " I am." I replied.

    I walked down the small passageway which led to a beautiful spacious suite. The ambiance was perfect.
    She was pouring 2 drinks and my guess would be Belevedere with 'Ice Crushed'.
    I took a seat and watched her. She was comfortable in her skin, that's for sure! Those legs, The curvy ass and the outfit was too perfect for words.

    She turned around holding both drinks in her hands and said "Don't be nervous, I lose my drive when a man gets nervous around me. Just enjoy the experience and I promise that you will want more!"
    I just nodded and accepted the drink.
    She got up and turned on some music that sounded hypnotic. I watched as she put her drink down and began to sway to the music. She was softly touching the leather fabric on her body.
    At first I thought she was going to ask me to dance with her again, but instead...

    She started walking towards to me... Her eyes were speaking naughty thoughts into my mind, bewildering me and beckoning me to Rip the shyness off my finger tips.
    She was but a few inches away and within my reach!

    (Part Three)

    My thoughts were to ravish her right there and then, but she was moving so seductively to the music, that my eyes were so fixated on her complete beauty. She was 'Poetry' in motion!
    She danced, not only with her body but with her sultry eyes.
    I felt my 'Manhood' coming to life and my shyness dissipating with her every erotic movement.

    The very moment the 'Lion' in me was about to roar, she grabbed both my wrists and put them above my head, while mounting me on the couch. She had both legs wrapped around mine in a crab position, restraining me and getting me more excited by each second...

    I wanted to put my lips against hers and kiss her, like she has never been kissed before.
    She let her hair drape over my face and that scent of hers was like a drug...
    Seducing me to beg and plead for her to have her way with me. The sexual communication was all done in silence.
    Classy, erotic and mind-blowing.
    It was as if, I was watching it all on film. It was as if... she knew my secret fantasies!

    She continued to hold me down, grind against my legs and rub up against my already excited and fully erect member. The feel and smell of the leather mixed with her sensual scent was intoxicating!

    She broke the silence by saying " First, I will devour you. Have my way as long and as many times I wish to... Then if you're worthy, I'll let you have a taste of me, do you understand? "
    I moaned in agreement.

    She then released my wrists and placed my hands on her voluptuous breasts that were tightly packaged in her leather outfit. She looked down at me and slightly unzipped the front of her leather suit, just enough to expose some cleavage and drive me insane!
    She grabbed the back of my head and placed my face right between her cleavage and begun to grind harder against my stiff stick.

    I cupped both of her melons with my gentle hands and worshipped them, until she started breathing heavier. I used my mouth to slowly unzip her top, a little at a time, until both nipples were completely exposed...
    They were hard and the most beautiful nipples I have ever seen. Big and erect, ready for my salivating mouth to suck on!
    I teased her nipples with my tongue as she watched me, with a look of ecstasy in her eyes.

    She seemed to enjoy what she was experiencing with me so far, and I could have gone on for hours just doing that... Sucking on her big, hard nipples and watching her expressions.
    She continued to grind against my stiff hard on, but I wanted to feel her naked body against mine.

    I put my hands underneath her thighs to lift her up to my face, but she resisted and softly said
    " You will have to wait and earn that pleasure...Remember, I will devour you first, so are you ready?"

    " Oh yeah! " I replied, with half stoned eyes from the euphoria that I was feeling.
    " I'm about to consume you and make you mine. After tonight, you will belong to me, is this what you really want? I have 'Rules' you need to adhere to. Defy that, and you will lose. Are you sure you want Me to own you? "

    " YES, I do! You owned me, the moment I smelled your scent , I'm yours! "


    ( To be continued )...



  2. #2
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    I'm not much for adolescent stupidity. It always strikes me odd when people term this trash as "adult".

    I suppose there are fans of this kind of tripe. I leave you to them.

  3. #3
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    Maxine,

    You capitalize in surprising places--Ice Crushed, Black Leather and Lace, Strength and Candor. Is that on purpose?

  4. #4
    Senior Member Lea Zalas's Avatar
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    Maxine, you need to learn the correct use of commas. Incorrect usage detracts from the story. Not to mention bad spelling. Example: What I saw was enough to last a life time. Long, dark and waivy hair, I could get lost in! What I saw was enough to last a lifetime. She had long, dark wavy hair that I could get lost in.

    Now, I am being led by the hand of my 'Dream Girl' that is also my Kryptonite. When talking about a person, you use "who" NOT "what." Now my Dream Girl, who was also proving to be my kryptonite, was leading me by my hand.

    This next sentence doesn't make sense as written: I could sense her looking at me, perusing over the manly attributes that she sat beside. I could sense her looking at me, perusing my manly attributes. We already know she's sitting beside him, no need to mention it again.

    Again - spelling: hightened Should be 'heightened'

    You need to edit this and tighten it up. If you're going to write erotica, you can't be sloppy with the details, you can't overwrite it with unnecessary words, and you have to pay attention to grammar and spelling. Just like throwing cold water on your partner, nothing will kill the mood for your readers faster than these errors.

  5. #5
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    Now that's the kind of constructive criticism I was anticipating. Thank you Lea! I can work with that.

  6. #6
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    Yes it was Susan..

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by John Oberon View Post
    I'm not much for adolescent stupidity. It always strikes me odd when people term this trash as "adult".

    I suppose there are fans of this kind of tripe. I leave you to them.
    Adolescent stupidity? You're obviously not one for Romance, and yes there are fans out there. Some publishers have made millions from authors that have written "tripe" as you call it.

  8. #8
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    Romance? Two strangers hopping in bed and one being "owned" by the other is your idea of romance? Maybe you could explain to me exactly when this romance occurred, because all I read was solid lust and hormones from the first paragraph.

    You're the one who wrote that the male character felt like a little boy in a man's body. That is adolescence. I agree with the character's assessment of his feelings and would offer the observation that he feels that way because it's a fact.

    You're the one who wrote that he is unable to control himself and allows this whore to lead him wherever she wants. That is stupidity.

    I guess my definition of tripe does not include marketability as yours does.
    Last edited by John Oberon; 08-01-2012 at 01:23 PM.

  9. #9
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    [QUOTE=John Oberon;1352214]Romance? Two strangers hopping in bed and one being "owned" by the other is your idea of romance? Maybe you could explain to me exactly when this romance occurred, because all I read was solid lust and hormones from the first paragraph.

    You're the one who wrote that the male character felt like a little boy in a man's body. That is adolescence. I agree with the character's assessment of his feelings and would offer the observation that he feels that way because it's a fact.

    You're the one who wrote that he is unable to control himself and allows this whore to lead him wherever she wants. That is stupidity.

    I guess my definition of tripe does not include marketability as yours does.[/QUOTE

    For one, I'd love to hear YOUR take on Romance. That would be entertaining, as you clearly express distaste for it. Arguing here would be senseless, especially with a pontificating pompous ass such as yourself. I'm rather sure you're a bachlor and will more than likely remain one with that attitude.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Lea Zalas's Avatar
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    Actually, this probably would not be classified as romance, but rather as erotica. There are different rules for these two genres.

    And John, yes, erotica is a very profitable genre.

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