I Want To Write a Poem

[Debbi V]

I want to write a poem
That’s what I want to do
Take some words and make them
Real and true

To capture, to nurture
To make men fly
To show them that lowliness
Makes them high

Words that wring tears
From the hardest heart
That will place life’s racers
Back at the start

Slow them, show them
That this is it
The one chance to make life
A perfect fit

A lyrical sunrise
With blue and green
And picture the faithless
Have never seen

A map of the world
Made from letters of truth
Charted by age-worn
To guide innocent youth

I want to write a poem
That comforts the soul
That crushes the doubters
And makes faith whole

A poem that strokes
With words that heal
So that losers get
Ahead of the deal

I want to write a poem
That will change a mind
From bitter and twisted
To loving and kind

A poem with power
To change the world
A poem that screams out
With flags unfurled

I want to write a poem
That will make the sick well
And bring them out gently
From their ravaged hell

An ode to a country
A nation in pain
A prayer for good harvest
A dance to bring rain

I want to write words
That put an end to all greed
Prejudice, anger
Bad thought and deed

I want to write a poem
But how do I start?

With clarity
Vision
And a hopeful heart

[John Oberon]

I think you have the foundation for a great poem here. Good, consistent ABCB rhyme scheme, and I like most of the sentiments you express, but I think you express them artlessly. No rhythm or meter, no strong metaphors, nothing to make me think or to bring pictures to my mind...this is the poetic equivalent of all telling and no showing. If you're game, I wouldn't mind talking it through with you to try to improve it.

[Debbi V]

Have at it, John! It will be interesting to see what you have in mind. :-)

[John Oberon]

Alrighty, well here are the things I think the narrator wants the poem that he writes to enhance in the life of the reader or in the world in general. They are in the order I see them in your poem. Tell me if you think I’ve missed any and if they are accurate.

Truth
Inspiration
Imagination
Humility
Tenderness
Contemplation
Soberness
Beauty
Faith
Wisdom/Guidance
Comfort
Retribution
Justice
Mental Healing
Encouragement
Repentance
Revolution
Physical Healing
Patriotism
Material Blessing
Judgment
Perfection

[Debbi V]

Sounds spot on to me

I'm an idealistic person, huh? But, I have to say, very grounded in realism and yet I like to explore the opposite in my writing. Strange, that.....

[John Oberon]

Okay...it's a good list - great.

Nothing wrong with idealism, particularly when it's applied to an individual. Gets pretty dicey when applied to the world, though. At any rate, I want you to look at that list and tell me if you see any of those things as an impossibility, or at least, highly unlikely to be enhanced or accomplished by any poem.

[Debbi V]

Well, I don't think it's really relevant to think that way (eliminating the ideals that are impossible to achieve).

I don't see anything wrong with "hoping" or "wishing" that all those things could happen by writing a poem. This is what the narrator would like to do. It doesn't matter if it could happen or not.

I guess I don't see what you're trying to change thus into. My sentiment was idealism. A perfect world. A dream. "Wouldn't it be great if you could write a poem and achieve all that?". That's the vibe I was going for.

I think you want to turn it into a more grounded, realistic way of thinking. But that would be a whole different poem and maybe the one *you* should write.

[John Oberon]

Well, fine...to each his own...but here's my point. MOST of that list CAN be accomplished with a poem. A person can find truth in a poem. He can become more contemplative and sober after reading a poem. A poem can build one person's faith and humble another person. Most of that poem is reality, not idealism, and in my opinion, that's what gives it such a good foundation.

It is the unreality that harms it. A poem cannot provide material blessing, but it can encourage thankfulness for blessings received. A poem cannot physically heal anyone, but it can magnify the strength to endure and perhaps conquer. You see? I think good poetry helps us see reality more clearly, but you have things in that poem that smudge the lens.