HomeWritersLiterary AgentsEditorsPublishersResourcesDiscussion
Forum Login | Join the discussion
+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 8 of 8
  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Stoke on Trent, UK
    Posts
    164

    I Want To Write a Poem

    I want to write a poem
    Thatís what I want to do
    Take some words and make them
    Real and true

    To capture, to nurture
    To make men fly
    To show them that lowliness
    Makes them high

    Words that wring tears
    From the hardest heart
    That will place lifeís racers
    Back at the start

    Slow them, show them
    That this is it
    The one chance to make life
    A perfect fit

    A lyrical sunrise
    With blue and green
    And picture the faithless
    Have never seen

    A map of the world
    Made from letters of truth
    Charted by age-worn
    To guide innocent youth

    I want to write a poem
    That comforts the soul
    That crushes the doubters
    And makes faith whole

    A poem that strokes
    With words that heal
    So that losers get
    Ahead of the deal

    I want to write a poem
    That will change a mind
    From bitter and twisted
    To loving and kind

    A poem with power
    To change the world
    A poem that screams out
    With flags unfurled

    I want to write a poem
    That will make the sick well
    And bring them out gently
    From their ravaged hell

    An ode to a country
    A nation in pain
    A prayer for good harvest
    A dance to bring rain

    I want to write words
    That put an end to all greed
    Prejudice, anger
    Bad thought and deed

    I want to write a poem
    But how do I start?

    With clarity
    Vision
    And a hopeful heart



  2. #2
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    3,063
    I think you have the foundation for a great poem here. Good, consistent ABCB rhyme scheme, and I like most of the sentiments you express, but I think you express them artlessly. No rhythm or meter, no strong metaphors, nothing to make me think or to bring pictures to my mind...this is the poetic equivalent of all telling and no showing. If you're game, I wouldn't mind talking it through with you to try to improve it.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Stoke on Trent, UK
    Posts
    164
    Have at it, John! It will be interesting to see what you have in mind. :-)

  4. #4
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    3,063
    Alrighty, well here are the things I think the narrator wants the poem that he writes to enhance in the life of the reader or in the world in general. They are in the order I see them in your poem. Tell me if you think Iíve missed any and if they are accurate.

    Truth
    Inspiration
    Imagination
    Humility
    Tenderness
    Contemplation
    Soberness
    Beauty
    Faith
    Wisdom/Guidance
    Comfort
    Retribution
    Justice
    Mental Healing
    Encouragement
    Repentance
    Revolution
    Physical Healing
    Patriotism
    Material Blessing
    Judgment
    Perfection
    Last edited by John Oberon; 07-27-2012 at 06:39 AM.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Stoke on Trent, UK
    Posts
    164
    Sounds spot on to me

    I'm an idealistic person, huh? But, I have to say, very grounded in realism and yet I like to explore the opposite in my writing. Strange, that.....

  6. #6
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    3,063
    Okay...it's a good list - great.

    Nothing wrong with idealism, particularly when it's applied to an individual. Gets pretty dicey when applied to the world, though. At any rate, I want you to look at that list and tell me if you see any of those things as an impossibility, or at least, highly unlikely to be enhanced or accomplished by any poem.

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Stoke on Trent, UK
    Posts
    164
    Well, I don't think it's really relevant to think that way (eliminating the ideals that are impossible to achieve).

    I don't see anything wrong with "hoping" or "wishing" that all those things could happen by writing a poem. This is what the narrator would like to do. It doesn't matter if it could happen or not.

    I guess I don't see what you're trying to change thus into. My sentiment was idealism. A perfect world. A dream. "Wouldn't it be great if you could write a poem and achieve all that?". That's the vibe I was going for.

    I think you want to turn it into a more grounded, realistic way of thinking. But that would be a whole different poem and maybe the one *you* should write.

  8. #8
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio
    Posts
    3,063
    Well, fine...to each his own...but here's my point. MOST of that list CAN be accomplished with a poem. A person can find truth in a poem. He can become more contemplative and sober after reading a poem. A poem can build one person's faith and humble another person. Most of that poem is reality, not idealism, and in my opinion, that's what gives it such a good foundation.

    It is the unreality that harms it. A poem cannot provide material blessing, but it can encourage thankfulness for blessings received. A poem cannot physically heal anyone, but it can magnify the strength to endure and perhaps conquer. You see? I think good poetry helps us see reality more clearly, but you have things in that poem that smudge the lens.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts