Query: Wilma's War

[Tobias Garrett]

I need help on this. Thanks!

Wilma Dern runs mining outpost Chezneck 4 on the Ribaldune Road. It is a combination hotel and refitting post on the planet Jangeroo. She is a strong blonde beauty by all standards, human or alien. Long tired of what that has brought her: three bad marriages and one child killed when their home was wrongly searched by the Fernandy Stomp Squads, an outpost police organization that runs on bribes and theft.

Wilma's life has been peaceful and comfortably lonely until a miner, Courtney Butter shows up and disrupts her world. They form an uneasy partnership and soon hit a vein of barnium worth a fortune. He leaves without a goodbye and the next day, suspiciously, the renegade barnium hungry Mings land and the war begins.

Forced to flee alone into the desert, Wilma's survival pivots on her fighting skills, the direction she takes, and whether or not her neruo-challenged pet sabertooth, Baby, will not turn on her, again.

WILMA'S WAR is a work of science fiction at 82,000 words.

[Lea Zalas]

I'll see what I can do, Tobias,

Wilma Dern runs mining outpost Chezneck 4, a combination hotel and refitting post on the planet Jangeroo. She is a strong blonde beauty by all standards, human or alien. (Do her looks really matter to the story?) Long tired of what that has brought her: three bad marriages and one child killed when their home was wrongly searched by the Fernandy Stomp Squads, an outpost police organization that runs on bribes and theft. (Delete the last two sentences - it's all back story)

Wilma's life has been peaceful and comfortable with just her pet sabertooth, Baby, to keep her company, until miner Courtney Butter shows up and disrupts her world. (How does he disrupt her world?) They form an uneasy partnership and soon hit a vein of barnium worth a fortune. Suspiciously, he leaves without a goodbye and the next day, the renegade barnium-hungry Mings attack the outpost.

Forced to flee (she's not alone if she has Baby with her) into the desert, Wilma's survival pivots on her fighting skills, the direction she takes, (What is this supposed to mean? Give the agent specifics) and whether or not Baby will turn on her, again.

Don't leave an agent hanging on what happens to the MC.

[John Oberon]

I don't know....Wilma's War - isn't she supposed to be kinda kick-ass? This query makes her sound like a worn out victim waiting for the next fist in her hit parade. Isn't she at all pissed at her circumstances? All I get from this is resignation, barely clinging to life, certainly not "strong". Shouldn't she be making Courtney and others wonder about their survival instead of wondering about hers? Doesn't sound like anyone who's going to start a war.