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Thread: Tear Reaper

  1. #1
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    Tear Reaper

    The tears of a child
    are heavy indeed
    They roll fat down plum cheeks
    wetting innocents’ sheets

    Every night tears are lost
    in this wasteful fashion
    and could be avoided
    via tear duct extraction

    Great care must be taken
    when farming cry-drops
    Each bottle is labeled
    and sealed with glass tops

    Displayed in the sun
    prismatic faeries that dance
    give me hope that I might
    have just one more chance

    To regain my past
    I steal from the meek
    to experience a child’s
    warm tear on my cheek



  2. #2
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    Why did you write this? Don't really get a clear message from it.

    Stanzas 2 and 3 clash horribly with the rest of it. They read Suess-like and silly, while the rest of it reads more serious and solemn.

    No rhyme in stanza 1. No real rhythm or meter.

  3. #3
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    I once thought I'd write a book about someone who steals the tears from children. I later realized that I'm no writer but, this would've been at the beginning. Thanks for reading.

  4. #4
    Senior Member John Oberon's Avatar
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    Sounds like a children's book. In that case, you need strong rhyme, rhythm, and meter, and a very clear message. Not going to pursue it, ey?

  5. #5
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    I've only written a few paragraphs and those were written a several years ago. If I can get this publishing thing off of the ground maybe I'll get a little motivation to continue.

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