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Thread: Small Victories

  1. #1
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    Small Victories

    Below is paragraph from WWII memoir that combines plot and characterization:

    Aunt Ida commandeered the yard for a Victory Garden. She replaced many flowers with fruit and vegetable plants. Her landlord, who now slaved along with her, did not dare to be anything but his most productive in Ida’s employ.

    “Not that way, this way. Not like that like this,” she barked orders as we dug, planted, watered and fed the miniature farm. Even the plants were scared into submission to Ida’s will. Each seed produced a bumper crop.

    Initially the last sentence read:

    Even the plants were scared into submission to Ida’s will and we had a bumper crop from each seed.

    Such a good feeling when a muse sits on your shoulder and seems to say, "“Not that way, this way. Not like that like this," instead of having to slave over every improvement.



  2. #2
    Member Tanya Bell's Avatar
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    You've set your story in a very interesting period, BookWerm. WW2 never fails to fascinate. It could be best summed up by Dickens' classic opening line from The Tale of Two Cities: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I like the sound of Aunt Ida, she has moxie.
    One step at a time.

  3. #3
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    You're missing a comma, and one seed does not a bumper crop make. So something like this:

    “Not that way, this way! Not like that, like this!” she barked as we dug, planted, watered and fed the miniature farm. Even the plants were scared into submission, producing a bumper crop.

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