Back Cover Blurb!

[simba major]

Actually, it's so bad, it almost reaches the level of comedy. I personally like where he says they never failed to complete a mission and never need help, and then in the very next paragraph says sometimes the intel is bad and they fail to complete the mission and need help from another team to complete it. Or maybe he's not talking about T1 ("they"), but "our" team. Maybe "they" (T1) never fail, but "our" team does...who knows?

He's saying that this is tge first time they have run into this kind of trouble.

[Herman Munster]

I was going to leave this alone, dump it, forget about it but I see people who want and deserve an explanation.

I have written an alternate version to the blurb on the back cover, it take 88,355 to give a full outline of where they went, what they did, what went wrong and how they ended up.

In many ways, this has worked perfectly as intended. Most of you know basically all the main facts that are involved and you are ASKING QUESTIONS!
What else should a cover or synopsis to the reader do? If they fully understand everything that is on that back cover and there are no questions, why would they read the book? All is asked and answered on the cover.

It says 300 words. I thort that meant to grab big scenes, parachute jump in spacesuits is the first four chapters of twelve, then pick keywords to tantalize the reader and get them to purchase and read the book. Of course if it is so confused then they will assume the entire work is this way and desert it.

I now see and apologise for the POV shifts. The error of moving from T1, Team, They to our is of less concern to me. Sure there is another team of contractors. I don't see the jump from another to ours, but I will change that.

I can see most of the confusion coming from me, and me blurring the line between author and MC. It is 1st POV, so I spend all my time writing and I did this, I think that, I wish, can we not get this right

*****
T1 is perfect for 7 years.
This mission things go wrong
Parachute in spacesuit
When they can't complete, they use their brains and intel/intelligence gather to allow the next team to come much better prepared and do this job to have better, even the best intel, probably more suitable equipment, and maybe more or less people, perhaps even a mountain climbing specialist or the like if they determine it so. THE T1 nor their bosses consider this is a failure to complete. They accept it was a task set which was impossible without the right intel which the team was smart enuff to gather.
assassinate Lt Col - coup d'etat
other unknown team there
The old GMC Chevy truck the local contact supplies has zero glass in it apart from the headlights. They are chased by a pack of many Spotted Hyena, they shoot five adult Spotted Hyena

This final line says, without saying, that the whole team one has made it to the airstrip alive and b4 the scheduled time for the airplane to pick them up gets there. Everyone should relax, the mission is complete, they have overcome rare and spectacular unforeseen circumstances, aren't they wonderful.

"You would think that making it to the airstrip before their pickup plane arrives would work out perfectly, wouldn’t you?"

The MC, team leader is off to the side urinating.
Several herds of elephants come thru, 2 prides of lions arrive, 47 Spotted Hyena come, 223 wild dogs attack, 14,000 vultures are flying overhead.
Everyone in the team dies.
Oh yeah, then comes the car wreck, I forgot about that.

Is that better? It is just 266 words. No fuzzy verbs or whatever, just facts. That was what you wanted, wasn't it?

This obviously appears stupid to you but writing 21 complete books, another 28 started, means I spend a huge amount of time imagining and even living as the T1 lead. To write it that way I find I have to almost constantly think that way. So "our team" is a way of saying "my team", the team I am leader of. Such a crime, I am embarrassed and will change it instantly, when I get around to it. To have the reader think of the team as theirs, or resenting them or their country is unthinkable.
Oh yeah, there is a waterhole in it. Another fact I left out.
SOMEONE sent me this:
"I'm up to chapter 9, where the unit is at the water hole. I am really enjoying it, and when I read it I start imagining that im part of the group which is fun."

Maybe after this I started thinking in terms that the reader could feel they are part of the team and I should treat them as such, you know, be inclusive with the reader. Must be a dumb idea, sorry. Readers are not that important I guess?

[Herman Munster]

Gidday Susan,

“cross country home again. I don't understand this line- what goes wrong today?”
Sorry, I thought this was the whole point of teasers. They suggest stuff, under explain it and are supposed to suck the reader into the book.
You question here suggests to me that I am very much on the right track as you are curious. Have I done my job here?

“victim, whoops, target, this is quite jokey and light-hearted”
It is slightly inline with the internal humour of the MC. He does joke around, entirely within his head which you are privy to in 1st POV. Still, I don’t want to suggest this is semi humorous as it is not. I will adjust this out of it.

“You've changes POV here.”
Again, thanks. Will be adjusted.

“( I love this line!)”
You can say this stuff all day and night. Thank you.

“a bit like a manual,”
The suits and the jump are the first four chapters of 12. The MC has never parachute jumped before, as explained in the teaser line before chap 1. There is little I want to remove and mega I would like to insert. I strive for brevity here, sorry.

“I love this until the 'fur and bullets'”
Again, all day and night. The second bit is gone. Trying to be imaginative and descriptive, probably when I was tired.

“Herman, just a few of my thoughts. You're well ahead of me so please feel free to ignore anything you like.”
I am where I am. I don’t consider others as being ahead or behind, if anything, we are all equals.
Further, no matter if it is your first day or one millionth, you independent attitude and view, and most especially your willingness to publicly comment, is vital to the writer. Your opinion can never be right or wrong. Just so long as it is honest and firmly held, that is what is required in a crit.
Thank you for taking the time to read it, think about it, and comment on it. I value all feedback.

[Herman Munster]

He's saying that this is the first time they have run into this kind of trouble.

Simba, thank you for the support. It seems that altho you may not agree with what I said and how I said it, or even perhaps where, you clearly understand it. I never thort I would be struggling with having others understand what I had written. I really am uncertain what I should do, or try to do with John.
Time always tells!

[Susan B]

Gidday Susan,

“cross country home again. I don't understand this line- what goes wrong today?”
Sorry, I thought this was the whole point of teasers. They suggest stuff, under explain it and are supposed to suck the reader into the book.
You question here suggests to me that I am very much on the right track as you are curious. Have I done my job here?

Reading through that line again, I think it may just be a punctuation issue. I get that something goes wrong and you're obviously not going to give it away here. You wrote:

'There are always several ways in and several ways out. Not today, they get to the plane at the designated time, or they miss out and have to cross country home again.'

I would consider:

'There are always several ways in and several ways out. Not today. They get to the plane on time, or they miss out. They have no choice but to make their way across country again.'

It's not perfect, but hopefully you see what I mean about changing the comma to a full stop. It's a bit more dramatic, I think.

[John Oberon]

He's saying that this is tge first time they have run into this kind of trouble.

Does he really? Perhaps you'd be good enough to point out where he says that, because I don't see it anywhere.

[John Oberon]

What else should a cover or synopsis to the reader do? If they fully understand everything that is on that back cover and there are no questions, why would they read the book? All is asked and answered on the cover.

Questions are fine as long as they're along the line of "I wonder what happens next?" and not "What the heck does this mean?"

[Tanya Bell]

A back cover blurb is the hook to draw readers in. It should be relatively brief, very intriguing, and want to make them read the book to find out what happens.

[gertegan]

For me, and this is just me personally, I want to know the MC's name. It's a connection thing, when you get "they, us, we" instead of a name, I get the feeling of a nonfiction or explanatory book instead of entertaining fiction. When I read the back of a book deciding whether or not to read it, giving me the character's name gives me someone to latch on to and want to understand or know.

[Herman Munster]

Reading through that line again, I think it may just be a punctuation issue. I get that something goes wrong and you're obviously not going to give it away here. You wrote:

'There are always several ways in and several ways out. Not today, they get to the plane at the designated time, or they miss out and have to cross country home again.'

I would consider:

'There are always several ways in and several ways out. Not today. They get to the plane on time, or they miss out. They have no choice but to make their way across country again.'

It's not perfect, but hopefully you see what I mean about changing the comma to a full stop. It's a bit more dramatic, I think.

I saw the punctuation and then saw a flaw. The superficial reading b4 that made zero sense to me, but the reread showed what I meant. One thing to bear in mind with thew back cover blurb is that it is limited to 300 words. I ended with 337 or 323, not sure, but I had to be economical, difficult for me at the best of times.

Not today, they get to the plane at the designated time, or they miss out and have to cross country home again.
Not today, they get to the plane at the designated time or they miss out and have to cross country home again.
OR
Not today, they have to get to the plane at the designated time or they miss out and have to cross country home again.

So my indiscreet use of too many commas could have brought me undone yet again! <GRIN>