Mystery/Thriller Blurb for feedback

[paul.abbassi]

create a log line... Here's a .pdf download ... <http://twoadverbs.site.aplus.net/loglinearticle.htm>

Wow, jayce. I am looking at it now - its diamond-clear.
Fantastic resource. Thanks a bunch!

I can see already that my log line is missing the most important elements.

[The Tinman]

[QUOTE=jayce;1350594]Here's a .pdf download to get you started: <http://twoadverbs.site.aplus.net/loglinearticle.htm>

Jayce. Thanks for the link!!!

[Smiling Curmudgeon]

Paul,

You asked, "Can you present thoughts that are ambiguously worded..." (That may have been on another thread.)

Yes. Yes. And Yes.

It requires careful thought how you do it. Don't do it too frequently.

If ambiguous dialogue were to be outlawed, well, much writing would not be published.

One more comment. I wanted to discuss your material today. Didn't have time. Give careful thought whether it's absolutely necessary to mention all ten of the islander's occupation. It's too long, I think. Why do you want your reader to slog along through ten?

You can easily finesse around it. Pick three main characters and say something like, "Among them, are a Kosher butcher, a vegetarian baker, and a blind candlestick maker." That doesn't work for your tale, but you'll see what I'm getting at.

Hope this is useful.

Cur

[paul.abbassi]

Paul,

You asked, "Can you present thoughts that are ambiguously worded..." (That may have been on another thread.)

Yes. Yes. And Yes.

It requires careful thought how you do it. Don't do it too frequently.

If ambiguous dialogue were to be outlawed, well, much writing would not be published.

One more comment. I wanted to discuss your material today. Didn't have time. Give careful thought whether it's absolutely necessary to mention all ten of the islander's occupation. It's too long, I think. Why do you want your reader to slog along through ten?

You can easily finesse around it. Pick three main characters and say something like, "Among them, are a Kosher butcher, a vegetarian baker, and a blind candlestick maker." That doesn't work for your tale, but you'll see what I'm getting at.

Hope this is useful.

Cur

Thank you, Cur. This is useful indeed.
Ten is a long list, as you point out.
Although the story needs 'em all, the blurb doesn't.

The ensemble cast is tricky to manage in other ways as well.
I am learning not too have too many of 'em talking in the same dialogue scene

[paul.abbassi]

I don't know if I've dug a hole for myself.

I'm getting mixed feedback about how I present the MC in the prologue,
as well as to the writing itself.

Although she's the POV character for most chapters in the book,
she's not the POV character in the prologue.

Mainly because she's seven years old then, and catatonic.

Its perfect in your head.
Then you try to turn it into written words, and weird things happen.

Nobody said writing was easy.

[John Oberon]

Paul,

I would drop the Agatha Christie reference. It’s almost a dead certainty your writing will not compare favorably with hers, particularly among Christie fans.

Yeah, the blurb is way too long. I would write it something like this:

Cammilla Becker is excited. She received an invitation to compete on a new reality show – not really her thing, but the studio promised funding and publicity for her charitable foundation.

Now she finds herself on a luxury yacht sailing for a desolate island with nine other competitors who will spend two weeks vying for five million dollars.

But all is not what it seems. Each contestant has a dark secret. Little do they suspect that each secret is the reason they were chosen, and may be the reason they live or die.

It's a risky game of trust and betrayal as the contestants come face to face with each other, their darkest impulses, and Nature itself in revolt against a game so extreme, that the most terrifying events of their past were only the qualifying round.

Maybe there isn't supposed to be a winner…