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  1. #21
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    20
    Thanks, Lea! By the way, I was not referring to any of your comments regarding excessive sarcasm. I do greatly appreciate your continued feedback and encouragement! I do admit that there is much that is unexplained and sounds clunky in the version you just looked over. Let's take a peek at the revised version:

    Dear Agent,

    Max Meyers skates through school, giving no thought to grades, scholarships, or post-college employment. After all, his dad’s a senator. But when Max finds his house engulfed in flames and his dad with a bullet hole in his head, the ruling of suicide sucks worse than the Calc exam he failed last week.

    The gunshot wound came by the politician's own hand, says the FBI. No flippin’ way! Popular Virginia senators like William Meyers don’t commit suicide. Not if Max knew anything about his dad. Max believes the theft of his great-grandfather’s letters, sent from the carnage of World War II—and which had been safe in his dad's fireproof vault—might just be the clue he needs to prove it. And when an interview with a member of his great-grandfather’s old platoon ends in a sniper’s bullet, Max knows he’s right.

    Following the trail to Germany, Max stumbles upon a conspiracy years in the making. A conspiracy spawned in blood, ruled by death’s-head honor. As Max forsakes the carelessness of campus life to grow a pair, he becomes the number-one target of a powerful religious order that went into hiding during the final days of Nazi Germany. To keep the promise of justice made to his dead father, Max must prevent the conspirators from unleashing an unprecedented assault on two organizations Max has never even heard of—the European Council and the Holy See.

    Max Meyers’ father is dead. Max is going to find out why—even if it kills him.

    I am a freelance writer, ghostwriter, and editor. Freelance experience has included three ghostwritten nonfiction titles and several literature study guides for Bookrags, Inc. THE PHOENIX CONSPIRACY is a Mystery-Thriller and is 157,000 words, intended to appeal to readers of Dan Brown’s Angels and Demons.

    Thank you for your consideration.

    Joshua C. Lisec



  2. #22
    simba major
    Guest
    "Max Meyers skates through school, giving no thought to grades, scholarships, or post-college employment. After all, his dad’s a senator. But when Max finds his house engulfed in flames and his dad with a bullet hole in his head, the ruling of the investigation sucks worse than the Calc exam he failed last week. (Regarding, the attention-grabbing hook: to show how my ms is different than "all the others," should I somehow include something regarding the conspiracy behind the murder?)"

    That depends. Is that what makes it different?

    What is so special about your book? What makes it different from all the other religious conspiracy thrillers? Imagine meeting an agent at a writer's conference and you have thirty seconds to pitch your book. Maybe less because he looks bored and is eyeing tge door. Think of one sentence that will knock his socks off because that's what it will take.

    Remember that Dan Brown could have done that - the clones came after.

    So . . . one sentence.

    Let's hear it.

  3. #23
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Central Virginia
    Posts
    736
    If the "sarcastic" remark was on my reference to closing the query with "blessings," I wasn't trying to be sarcastic. The quickest way to curl an agent's/publisher's toes and irritate them for any project other than a relgious one is to leave the impression that you are going to pray over them.

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