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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Portland, OR
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    26

    Query revision invites comments

    I tried to incorporate suggestions and pare it back some. Any thoughts?


    Dear Agent,

    William Prescott Smith is an innovative genius, as evidenced by his creation of a time-bridge. While testing the invention, however, he learns it can be used in ways that would result in utter chaos, and in a fit of moral conscience he decides that the world is not ready for it. Then the Keepers arrive and he is forced to rethink that conclusion.

    Summoned by a mysterious artifact on the moon, extraterrestrials come to Earth. Their self-proclaimed mission: isolate and protect developing worlds by preventing the spread of dangerous technologies. But Earthlings soon recognize the Keepers for the oppressors they are, not the benevolent guides they claim to be. Earth is becoming a kind of zoological garden, with humans as helpless specimens and aliens as condescending zookeepers.

    The Keepers’ technology is overwhelmingly superior – stone axes are no match for nuclear weapons. In light of this disparity, William weighs the alternatives, possible calamity if his time-bridge becomes public, versus assured subjugation if the Keepers persist. He opts for a shot at freedom. Seeking to enlist the help of a most unlikely partner, his earlier self, our hero sets out to save the world by undoing the past.

    PANDORA’S BOX is a 73,000-word science fiction novel. Thank you for your consideration.

    Sincerely,



  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    915
    (I critiqued this in the Agents forum.)

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Portland, OR
    Posts
    26
    Thanks for that critique, Jayce. I just reread the posting rules and I appear to have stupidly violated the rule about cross-posting. I apologize for that, and I promise to be more careful in the future.

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