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  1. #11
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    This is a comedic novel that is character based.
    Even a character-driven story has conflict; that's what keeps a story moving, making us care what happens. You may have several conflicts going--character against character, character against environment, character against self. Pick one that has the most depth, one that you feel most attuned to, and make that the focus of your query. Also--as leslee said--you cannot simply declare in a query that your story is comedic: the query itself must impart a sense of that humor.



  2. #12
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    Thanks guys. I'll spend this week reading every query letter that is similar that I can find. Next week I'll post a new draft.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Keith .'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reade View Post
    Here is the query going in a different direction:

    Meet Emma and Razz, two twenty-somethings that have just been fired from their jobs at a lobbying firm.
    Meet Emma and Razz, two twenty-somethings who have just been fired from their jobs at a lobbying firm. I know it sounds nit picky, but such a basic mistake in your opening sentence gives a damning first impression to a publishing professional. Remember that writing is art, but publishing is a very serious business as are the pros who open and read queries. Luck.
    ________________________________________________

    People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent.
    - Bob Dylan

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reade View Post
    Thanks guys. I'll spend this week reading every query letter that is similar that I can find. Next week I'll post a new draft.
    Don't just look for letters that are similar. Read all kinds.

    Don't rush. Take your time. You'll get it.

  5. #15
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    Reade,

    First, Leslee is spot on.

    Your Q is all over the place. It's still mostly summary. Not much of the comedic. If your tale is comedic, your Q will be much stronger if that is apparent in the Q. I think you're still circling around the edges. Don't be dismayed. Coming up with a killer Q is an entirely different mind set than writing your tale.

    I'll mess with your Q. Keep in mind I don't know enough about it for my comments to exactly fit. 'Nuther thing, don't hesitate to ignore my thoughts. My comments are in CAPS. Not yelling at you, just making them easy to see.

    Meet Emma and Razz, two twenty-somethings that have just been fired from their jobs at a lobbying firm. Broke and with no other options, they begin the adventure of becoming a writer and a musician. Emma is only armed with her sarcastic wit; Razz his guitar. Traveling with them is their friend, the professor, an ex-Harvard teacher addicted to inhalants.

    EMMA AND RAZZ GET LUCKY. FIRED FROM JOBS AT A LOBBYING FIRM, THEY GO FOR IT. (I HAVE A QUESTION HERE. IF THEY WORKED FOR A LOBBYING FIRM, WHY ARE THEY BROKE? LOBBYING FIRMS CONJURE AN IMAGE OF LOTS OF MONEY. DID THEY SWEEP THE FLOOR?) BROKE, THEY FIGURE IT'S TIME TO BECOME A WRITER AND A MUSICIAN. EMMA WEARS HER SARCASTIC WIT LIKE BODY ARMOR. RAZZ CUDDLES HIS GUITAR LIKE A NEWBORN BABY.

    Emma finds work on a television show. But her dream job is not so easy- her boss is being blackmailed, the other writers mock her, and even the vending machine has it out for her. Razz's life isn't any easier. One of his songs is stolen by a famous rapper and becomes a number one hit on the radio. Together with the professor, he goes to the record company to get it back. Instead of returning the song and risk being sued, they give him a contract and ask him to record an album.

    EMMA LANDS A JOB WRITING FOR A TELEVISION SHOW. DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO SPEND TIME ON THE COUCH. OTHER WRITERS THINK SHE'S A PADDLING A CANOE HEADED FOR A ROCKY BEACH. HER BOSS IS BEING BLACKMAILED, AND EMMA IS IN DANGER ALONG WITH HIM.

    Razz's life isn't any easier. One of his songs is stolen by a famous rapper and becomes a number one hit on the radio. Together with the professor, he goes to the record company to get it back. Instead of returning the song and risk being sued, they give him a contract and ask him to record an album.

    RAZZ ISN'T EXACTLY ON A ROLL, EITHER. ONE OF HIS SONGS IS STOLEN BY A FAMOUS RAPPER AND GOES NUMBER ONE. RAZZ DECIDES TO GET IT BACK.

    ABORT THAT THOUGHT is 78,000 words about two young people out of their league who get themselves into funny and strange situations- one of them even gets shot. Along the journey, they meet a rock star whose ego is even more bloated than his body, an assistant whose mom's boyfriends used to give him too much cough syrup, and a Segway chase scene with the mafia.

    THE TEXT IN THE ABOVE PARAGRAPH NEEDS TO BE WOVEN INTO EARLIER PARAGRAPHS. OR DELETED.

    AGAIN, DON'T HESITATE TO IGNORE. I DON'T KNOW SQUAT ABOUT YOUR TALE, SO MY COMMENTS IN THIS POST ARE MERELY TO STIR YOUR OWN JUICES ABOUT WAYS TO GET YOUR COMEDIC APPROACH INTO YOUR Q.

    OKAY, CAPS off. Have you had objective critique of your tale? If not, consider posting the first page on WN. You'll get honest comments. That can be painful. Don't do so if you're not prepared.

    Your Q isn't close to being ready to toss over the wall. Some people like to howl this board is composed of a clique which automatically guts newcomers. Those folks are dead wrong. Smart people here offer their time to help.

    Cur

  6. #16
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    Reade,

    Keith and Leslee made good points in their posts preceding this one.

    Cur

  7. #17
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    I think you overplayed your sales pitch, Jazz. No hugs for you.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Keith .'s Avatar
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    My thoughts exactly, Gary.
    ________________________________________________

    People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent.
    - Bob Dylan

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