Help with punctuation

[Sam Fletcher]

hi guys,

I need help with punctuating a couple of sentences. I can't quite figure out what to do with them, and I have to make a decision. So, here they are.

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He could have taken the monster by himself, if he wanted.

Dagan didn’t care for children; they were loud and underfoot, but the woman wanted them; so, for her, he attempted tolerance.

He tapped his fingers on a low table by his chair, then stood to his feet and walked toward the bedroom, coming to rest outside the door.

And, that’s all I’m going to tell tonight.

As long as the stones are in place, the monster won’t wake up.”

She shrugged and walked on. Dagan watched her go, then whispered under his breath, “If it was controlled once, it could be again.”

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Specifically, I'm looking for help on semicolon and comma usage.

Thanks

[Kitty Foyle]

Hah, more than "a couple," Sam!

Dagan didn't care for children; they were loud and underfoot. But the woman wanted them, so, for her, he attempted tolerance.

And that's all I'm going to tell tonight. (No need to add comma.)

Why the " at the end of the next sentence?

I don't see anything wrong with the "Dragan watched her go" bit.

*_*

[Sam Fletcher]

Why the " at the end of the next sentence?

Oops. The sentence was part of a longer quote, and I didn't think to move the beginning quotation mark.

Thanks for the reply.

[Gary Kessler]

He could have taken the monster by himself, if he wanted.

(Looks OK to me.)


Dagan didn’t care for children; they were loud and underfoot, but the woman wanted them; so, for her, he attempted tolerance.

Dagan didn't care for children. They were loud and underfoot, but the woman wanted them, so, for her, he attempted tolerance.


He tapped his fingers on a low table by his chair, then stood to his feet and walked toward the bedroom, coming to rest outside the door.

He tapped his fingers on a low table by his chair. Then he stood and walked toward the bedroom, coming to rest outside the door.

(This use of "then" is creeping into use, but it's not really grammatical. It creates a run-on sentence. "Then" isn't a conjunction, and you're trying to use it as one here. "And walked" is redundant here.)


And, that’s all I’m going to tell tonight.

And that's all I'm going to tell tonight.


As long as the stones are in place, the monster won’t wake up.”

(Other than the extraneous end quote, this is OK.)


She shrugged and walked on. Dagan watched her go, then whispered under his breath, “If it was controlled once, it could be again.”

She shrugged and walked on. Dagan watched her go. Then he whispered under his breath, "If it was controlled once, it could be controlled again."

(The same trouble with "then." "Controlled" added near the end isn't absolutely necessary, but it's more grammatical.)

[Sam Fletcher]

(This use of "then" is creeping into use, but it's not really grammatical. It creates a run-on sentence. "Then" isn't a conjunction, and you're trying to use it as one here. "And walked" is redundant here.)

I know that "then" is not appropriate to set off two independent clauses. However, in the example above the first clause is independent while the second clause is dependent. I felt like using "then" by itself was more appropriate than the burdensome and sentence killing "and then."

[The Tinman]

Hi Sam.

Reads better If he wanted, he could have taken the monster by himself. BUT... shouldn't it be if he HAD wanted; or He could take the monster himself, if he wanted.

Good luck!!!

[Gary Kessler]

I know that "then" is not appropriate to set off two independent clauses. However, in the example above the first clause is independent while the second clause is dependent. I felt like using "then" by itself was more appropriate than the burdensome and sentence killing "and then."

The dependency status of the clause doesn't really have any bearing, I don't think. It's a colloquialism/bastardization creeping into the system. It's being done, so it's a trend, and you can certainly do it. It sticks out for those more conservative with grammar, though, and is, I think, therefore worth noting--especially if it's used frequently.

[Kitty Foyle]

Gary, it seems you don't like it then.

*_*

[Gary Kessler]

Gary, it seems you don't like it then.

*_*

Never could slip anything past you, could we, Kitty? Such a clever girl.

You working on hijacking and trivializing yet another thread?

[Kitty Foyle]

Nah...I lost interest.

*_*