Not sure I agree. If you dump any old thing into the first draft, you're liable to dilute any sense of mood or pacing before they have a chance to develop. I do agree it's best not to edit one's creativity during the early drafts, but I also believe that a certain discipline is also necessary. Don't ask me how to strike the balance; I'm guessing it's something you either have or don't have.Write in all the information you want. You can always delete it later.
I think you'll find it much more difficult to trim the detail and dross out of your manuscript after you've put it in there than if you don't put it in there at all. I'm told that most writers trim in review--I tend to add detail in the review after writing the full draft. Then I have to justify to myself that's it's needed.
Just my opinion. Remember, it's hard for anyone to critique such a short piece without knowing what you're striving for.
State-of-the-art sounds either lazy or lacking in confidence. If you think it's important, call them Bosch appliances or research another brand and get into Carla's head. If her taste is important, you might want to tell us why with interior monologue: "she had opted for the Bosch appliances over the local home-center brands, even though they were $5000 higher, because for once in her life, she was damn well going to have something better than her sister's." "The old cabinetry reminded her of her youth, the golden times she had spent with a mother cancer had stolen too soon." If it were a horror story: "the new sink had been placed directly over where the old hand pump had been. And while the pump had been replaced, Carla knew the old cistern was still somewhere beneath the floor. Anything could be living down there. Anything."
Hopefully you get the point.
Last edited by The Tinman; 02-14-2012 at 06:23 PM.
That kitchen is a lot nicer than Ralph Kramden's. For one thing, it has a more modern stove. I always wondered why they never fixed the place up. Was it SUPPOSED to say "dreary and hopeless?" Especially since the Nortons' was happy and bright.