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  1. #11
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    Aug 2010
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    Thanks Gary, as you can see, I hit a mind-numbing wall trying to make this point.



  2. #12
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    Aug 2010
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    In the book (fiction) Dolly finds a letter addressed to her husband (my brother) from a woman in South America. The woman claims he is the father of her unborn child. Following are Dolly's travails. How does it read. I'm having a problem w/this but it's central to the plot, and also as a character foil for Nick, the antagonist, who is true blue to his wife.

    My brother and Dolly met at a ballroom dancing exhibition shortly after his divorce from Maria. From the first, he was visibly, wildly, head-over-heels, nuts over his Dolly. Everyone who met her loved her. He proposed within a few weeks but Dolly was gun-shy about marriage. Although we all knew she loved Alec in her quiet way it took about seven years before she finally agreed to marry him.

    Dolly has a magnetic personality. In the elevator of her apartment building, neighbors reach out to touch her as if she was Mother Teresa. In addition, she has a truly magnanimous nature, which, considering the difficult life she's led, is enough to qualify her for sainthood.

    Born into a large, close-knit family, she grew up in relative luxury on a large coffee plantation in war-torn Colombia. It was not unusual for young women like her to marry at eighteen, as she did. It was unusual however, that someone from her social class would join the Colombian paramilitary. On his infrequent visits home, her husband drank heavily and used drugs. He became abusive to her and their children. Finally, whether he died or disappeared into the Colombian jungle, enough time passed for Dolly to have him declared legally dead. Her three children have never learned their father’s fate.
    Dolly’s family was supportive, but the unrest in their country had caused a reversal in their holdings. To earn a living she exported canned, Spanish-style foods to the United States. Spending long periods of time away from home, she rented a small apartment in a Queens neighborhood comprised mainly of South American immigrants. Ultimately, she became a US citizen. She worked hard to send money home for the upkeep and education of her children and several nieces and nephews. When her father died, because Dolly was his only unmarried daughter, he left his house and land to her. Now, her daughter and son-in-law managed the reduced plantation.

  3. #13
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    Jul 2011
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    Central Virginia
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    736
    Maybe a bit too much "telling" expostulation for me at one go. But it reads OK otherwise (needs a few more commas, though). Can't the Colombian background come out in a conversation or something in another point--let the reader discover her in layers rather than all at once?

  4. #14
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    Aug 2010
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    New York, New York
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    59
    Good suggestion. Know just how I'm going to do it. Thanks.

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