HomeWritersLiterary AgentsEditorsPublishersResourcesDiscussion
Forum Login | Join the discussion
+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 14
  1. #1
    Senior Member SapphireBlue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    124

    getting ready to query

    (soon, though not quite yet.) author's names are initials to protect them.


    ...

    There are those who will tell you Jesus loved me. Not so.

    After witnessing a fugitive stoned to death, Simon Peter accompanies John the Baptist on his quest to find the messiah. Wishing to unite the splintered political hotbed of Galilee under Roman rule, he grasps for leadership and creates the early Christian movement. Simon finds himself inventing powerful propaganda to turn a failed rebellion into the greatest sacrifice the world has ever known.

    THE SAINT’S SECRET re-tells of one of the world’s most famous stories with a new historical perspective: Jesus without miracles or magic, seen through the eyes of his most famous disciple. Author WB says this is “an excellent book premise” from “an enormously talented writer.” Mystery author KD says the work “Grabs you on the first page and simply refuses to let go.” JG says, “I was mesmerized from beginning to end; rich, captivating imagery springs from every page.” And AG, freelance editor, says, “I fell for the characters, the setting came to life, and I was totally hooked.”

    I attended the University of Iowa where I graduated from the Writer’s Workshop. My poetry and short works have been published in over a dozen journals, including The Missouri Review, Potpourri, The Wisconsin Review, Borderlands: Texas Poetry Review, and The Atlanta Review. I recently became managing editor of Conclave: A Journal of Character, where featured authors include Peter S. Beagle, Jane Yolen, and Karen Essex.

    Because your client, MG, shines new light on a subject readers believe they already know, I thought this project might interest you. Thank you for your time.
    Last edited by SapphireBlue; 01-27-2012 at 12:02 PM.



  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    6,016
    JUST MY OPINION, FEEL FREE TO IGNORE:

    The first full paragraph is strong. I like it.

    However . . .

    1. I would delete the opening italics sentence, and just jump into the storyline.

    2.
    the greatest sacrifice the world has ever known.
    THE SAINT’S SECRET re-tells of one of the world’s most famous


    The first line ends paragraph one, the second line begins paragraph two. I don't like the similarity between world has ever known and world's most famous so close together.

    3. Author WB says this is “an excellent book premise” from “an enormously talented writer.” Mystery author KD says the work “Grabs you on the first page and simply refuses to let go.” JG says, “I was mesmerized from beginning to end; rich, captivating imagery springs from every page.” And AG, freelance editor, says, “I fell for the characters, the setting came to life, and I was totally hooked.”

    This paragraph is a mistake. I would remove the whole thing, but even if you keep it - too many quotes! It reads like a joke. I expected it to say, "And my mom said . . ." Why do you think these quotes will influence an agent? Are they famous people? This one actually cracked me up: And AG, freelance editor, says . . . Really? A freelance editor? That would that impress an agent? Does the agent work with this editor? I don't understand why you're using it.

    If one of those quotes is from a known writer, I guess you could use it in your closing paragraph. Otherwise, kill all of it. It makes you look like desperate. AND you're wasting space you could use to talk about your book.
    Last edited by leslee; 01-27-2012 at 03:05 PM.

  3. #3
    Senior Member SapphireBlue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    124
    Very cool. Leslee, thank you!!

  4. #4
    Senior Member SapphireBlue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    124
    Oh, and I had a quote from my neighbor's cat held in reserve just in case.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    6,016
    Oh, and I had a quote from my neighbor's cat held in reserve just in case.

    Now, that's a quote I respect!

    I forgot to mention - you have to get the number of words into your Q.
    Last edited by leslee; 01-27-2012 at 03:35 PM.

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    6,016
    I played with your Q a little bit. Just editing, no rewrites.

    THE SAINT’S SECRET (insert number of words) re-tells of one of the world’s most famous stories with a new historical perspective: Jesus without miracles or magic, seen through the eyes of his most famous disciple.

    After witnessing a fugitive stoned to death, Simon Peter accompanies John the Baptist on his quest to find the messiah. Wishing to unite the splintered political hotbed of Galilee under Roman rule, he grasps for leadership and creates the early Christian movement. Simon finds himself inventing powerful propaganda to turn a failed rebellion into the greatest sacrifice the world has ever known.

    I attended the University of Iowa where I graduated from the Writer’s Workshop. My poetry and short works have been published in over a dozen journals, including The Missouri Review, Potpourri, The Wisconsin Review, Borderlands: Texas Poetry Review, and The Atlanta Review. I recently became managing editor of Conclave: A Journal of Character, where featured authors include Peter S. Beagle, Jane Yolen, and Karen Essex.

    Because your client, MG, shines new light on a subject readers believe they already know, I thought this project might interest you. Thank you for your time.

    To me, this reads better. The two "world" references are farther apart. I considered deleting, "where featured authors include Peter S. Beagle, Jane Yolen, and Karen Essex, because the Q is about you and your book, not the folks writing for Conclave. But if you think those names will be familiar to an agent . . .

    Really, it's a pretty freakin' good Q letter. Be proud of yourself.
    Last edited by leslee; 01-27-2012 at 03:43 PM.

  7. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    684
    Lol@Sapphire's neighbor's cat. Better not use that; the agent might be a dog lover.

  8. #8
    Senior Member C Bets's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Posts
    1,265
    You're a fantastic writer, Sav. I'm not surprised this QL is about ready to go. I couldn't possibly add anything to make it better. Good luck!!!!!
    Cindy

    And be at peace... the universe is unfolding as it should

  9. #9
    Senior Member Keith .'s Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    The latex sales division of Vandelay Industries
    Posts
    1,248
    This is very nice, Savvy. Some quick opinion, FWIW. I'm a big believer in "less is more." Show enough to identify the market and marketability, hook 'em, and STFU. The graph beginning After witnessing damned near does that on its own. I don't know how to strike text here, so I'll color what I think should go. OF course, it's just my opinion. Whatever you decide, you may just have a winner here, both query and ms.

    There are those who will tell you Jesus loved me. Not so.

    After witnessing a fugitive stoned to death, Simon Peter accompanies John the Baptist on his quest to find the messiah. Wishing to unite the splintered political hotbed of Galilee under Roman rule, he grasps for leadership and creates the early Christian movement. Simon finds himself inventing powerful propaganda to turn a failed rebellion into the greatest sacrifice the world has ever known.

    THE SAINT’S SECRET re-tells of one of the world’s most famous stories with a new historical perspective: Jesus without miracles or magic, seen through the eyes of his most famous disciple. Author WB says this is “an excellent book premise” from “an enormously talented writer.” Mystery author KD says the work “Grabs you on the first page and simply refuses to let go.” JG says, “I was mesmerized from beginning to end; rich, captivating imagery springs from every page.” And AG, freelance editor, says, “I fell for the characters, the setting came to life, and I was totally hooked.”

    I attended the University of Iowa where I graduated from the Writer’s Workshop. My poetry and short works have been published in over a dozen journals, including The Missouri Review, Potpourri, The Wisconsin Review, Borderlands: Texas Poetry Review, and The Atlanta Review. I recently became managing editor of Conclave: A Journal of Character, where featured authors include Peter S. Beagle, Jane Yolen, and Karen Essex.

    Because your client, MG, shines new light on a subject readers believe they already know, I thought this project might interest you. Thank you for your time.

    ----------

    Okay, I'd add the word count to where I deleted the author reviews, unless those authors are recognizable, published authors. If they are, then add the count just before the reviews start. Either way, I strongly recommend deleting the freelance editor mention. It makes the reader wonder if you edited and polished the query as well as the manuscript, and an agent may want to see how you handle a round of revisions before signing you. Assuming the authors are unpublished or self-published, that leaves this -


    After witnessing a fugitive stoned to death, Simon Peter accompanies John the Baptist on his quest to find the messiah. Wishing to unite the splintered political hotbed of Galilee under Roman rule, he grasps for leadership and creates the early Christian movement. Simon finds himself inventing powerful propaganda to turn a failed rebellion into the greatest sacrifice the world has ever known.

    THE SAINT’S SECRET is xx thousand words, and re-tells one of the world’s most famous stories with a new historical perspective: Jesus without miracles or magic, seen through the eyes of his most famous disciple. I attended the University of Iowa where I graduated from the Writer’s Workshop. My poetry and short works have been published in over a dozen journals, including The Missouri Review, Potpourri, The Wisconsin Review, Borderlands: Texas Poetry Review, and The Atlanta Review. I recently became managing editor of Conclave: A Journal of Character, where featured authors include Peter S. Beagle, Jane Yolen, and Karen Essex.

    Because your client, MG, shines new light on a subject readers believe they already know, I thought this project might interest you. Thank you for your time.


    Very promising stuff, Sav. I hope you post your final draft for us to see!
    ________________________________________________

    People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent.
    - Bob Dylan

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    3,866
    Savvy, it's great! Make these minor changes (I agree with them all) and send this sucker off.

    PS My dog wants a copy.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts